Sunday, May 29, 2011
a sunny saturday. a strawberry farm. the most perfect luscious berries on the earth. i'm reinspired to eat as close to the original source as possible.
a day trip roaming between the small farms around (my new favorite town) crozet, virginia put me in a really good space. the boundaries are marked with honeysuckle-covered fences instead of vague passive-aggressive remarks. there are lots of goats. no one talks about oprah. i'm in heaven.
Friday, May 27, 2011
- seeing skies dressed with giant fluffly white clouds, lightning bugs and tiny periwinkle blue butterflies
- smelling honeysuckle; the yard is encircled in blooming vines
- tasting cardamon gelato, white zinfandel and ginger ale over crushed ice
- hearing the first cicadas
- touching the paper pages of a book; my toes curled into the ropes of a hammock
Monday, May 23, 2011
- brilliant fragrant blooms are everywhere
- people are more kind once the weather warms up
- i believe in the truth
- it's the last week of my bikram yoga 30-day challenge
- i share my life with three funny pups
- and one handsome gentleman
- i'm reading a really great book
- hoping to take friday off to make it a 4-day weekend
- i have the most loving visitors to this blog (thankyou!)
Sunday, May 22, 2011
i'm still earthbound. are you?
with all the rapture talk this weekend, i have to admit i was a little frightened. scratch that. a lot frightened. so much so that i refrained from making or agreeing with funny comments about the much-predicted judgement day just in case it actually came to pass. you see, i was raised by conservative baptist parents who truly believe that jesus will come back some day and save only those truest of believers. they pounded me with fear of an eternity in hell and instilled in me the value that being born again coupled with regular church attendance is the only ticket to heaven. i have vivid memories of being scared to death at age nine by the original "left behind" movie and being warned that the devil was behind such things as dancing and the study of psychology. i remember being very confused and doubtful when told that dogs, the most consistent unconditionally loving and loyal companions i have known, don't have souls. i still remember the look of horror on my mother's face when i casually commented that heaven actually sounded kinda boring (especially without dogs!) and i kinda liked the challenges and quirky quandaries of life on earth.
years of spiritual exploration and exposure to people of different faiths has (mostly) quelled my end-days fears and i (almost) truly believe that each of us has the responsibility to save and nurture our own hearts, souls and lives. still, i'm amazed at the power a certain upbringing holds over me. from time to time, i doubt and worry that maybe i got it all wrong and jesus really does require a strict adherance to biblical doctrine in order to ascend. then again, i've met some "christians" who make me shudder at the thought of spending all of eternity with them. hatred and self-righteousness just can't be the ticket to eternal life.
if it is, i guess i'm screwed, because i don't choose that. at least all the bikram yoga will help me better tolerate the heat.
the bottom line is that i need more time. i need more information. i need more practice. i need the wisdom and ability to see and accept those things that i know save me: grace, love, truth, forgiveness, acceptance, tolerance, peace. i need to trust my instinctual feeling, that "god" is our own internal loving, intuitive and patient north star (and not a vengeful, dictatorial and mean old-testamenty grandpa), is correct and worthy of my faith.
jesus, i need more human time please.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
and feeling incredibly optimistic and grateful.
- hanging on to enthusiasm
- good health, not good enough health, but good good health
- being closer to the return of the twenty six inch waist
- an able body
- incredible teachers
- a husband who loves me unconditionally (even fat me) and cheers me on every single day of this challenge
the truly creative mind in any field is no more than a human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. to them a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create--so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, their very breath is cut off...they must create, must pour out creation. by some strange, unknown, inward urgency they are not really alive unless they are creating.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
yay! i'm a third of the way through my bikram yoga 30-day challenge. so far, so good. i'm learning a lot about yoga, my body, my tolerance level, my monkey mind and the food i put into my body.
on the down side (and when i say "down side", i mean "totally learning to tolerate"):
- tall people: just because you don't fit on your yoga mat does not mean i have to make myself smaller to accommodate you in the room.
- humidity: you are my new nemesis. i am a california girl. we don't believe in humidity.
- rules: i never realized how much i adored you until i packed myself into a steaming hot room where a lot of the occupants disregard basic etiquette (talking above a whisper, flinging their sweat on me, putting their not-so-fresh feet on my mat, five used kleenex that blow into my space when the fans come on, etc. etc. etc.). perhaps a large "class rules" poster like in third grade would do? or a quick check online for bikram yoga etiquette, like on this site.
- bread: hello lover. i've missed you. who knew i really needed you after all?
- back muscles: so much lovlier than back fat.
- feet: i really appreciate you. thank you for holding me up and helping me balance. your kind doesn't get enough love in the world.
- coconut water: thank you for doing double duty because i really don't like plain water and i'm bored with spending half my life peeing.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
i have had a really crappy weekend so far on top of a really crappy work week. nothing seems to be working or going my way. i really needed to decompress and relax this weekend. my dogs are acting like freaking lunatics, interrupting my sleep with non-stop barking and charging through the house like a herd of elephants. (i tried to spin a story about mayday fairies being super active and that the dogs' sensitivity to this activity is causing them to play with the magical beings that only they can see. it didn't work. the dogs are just plain naughty.) i am craving peace and quiet. i am getting noise.
in addition, i am really scared about the 30-day challenge. i had a couple of really hard classes last week and found myself doubting my ability to participate in and complete this project. even though i know that each class is different and some are hard, some are easy, some are strong, some are beautiful, i find myself stressing out about this commitment.
so here's my challenge for today and this week and this month: leave it at the door. all the insecurities, frustrations, annoyances, anger, fatigue, doubt and fear i am feeling will be flipped off with my shoes as i enter the studio. any lingering negativity will be exhaled fully in the first bikram exercise, pranayama breathing.
it's one day, one posture at a time.