hope and the pain of opening my eyes

“hope is not about proving anything. it’s about choosing to believe this one thing: that love is bigger than any grim, bleak shit anyone can throw at us.”

-anne lamott

oh friends, i've had an interesting week.  lately i've grown tired of living in a culture where i have to swallow my words and silence my opinion in order to keep the peace.  but something happened last week that made me, required me, to open my eyes, open my mouth, and take a stand. 

in my twenties, i planned to go into human rights law.  i was very active in politics and working to make life better for those whose rights were denied them.  after some years wallowing in too much information, injustice, hatred and deceit, and not a lot of change, i made the decision for my own health and well-being to scale back on the activism. 

in the interest of peace i chose to look away from the injustice and back down from the fight, to close my eyes and hum a lovely tune to block out the noise of hate.

but then just like that, i was back in. 

in the interest of peace.  and hope.  and love.

meat free monday

about a year ago, i ran across the website for meatless monday.  i thought it was a totally doable gig, so i jumped on board.  pop over a have a look.  the basic idea is to eat meat free for just one day a week.  the benefits to your body and the planet for this small step are ginormous.

also, meat free is prettier:

over the last few months, my meat free days have expanded somewhat naturally.  really, i may not have noticed how little meat i was eating until i did my health history for my coach.  in addition to my work with meg, a few things happened in the last month that renewed my committment to eating cleaner and in a more humane way.  the first thing was that i watched the movie food, inc.  within the same week, i was driving down the highway and was passed by a semi carrying hundreds of cages of turkeys.  the truck was on my left and kind of road alongside me for a bit.  the cages were completely open to the air, feathers flying everywhere.  one of the turkeys had poked his head out the cage and his head was being whipped around by the wind and the high speed of the truck.  he was unable to pull his head back in.  i watched in horror as his head and neck banged against the cage and he died a horrific death.

i love all animals.  and i love my body.  it's time for me to start living like this is the truth. 

this was supposed to be a post about the chipotle sweet pototoes but i thought you would appreciate some story behind the dish.  here's the deets on this amazing meat free mexican meal:

chipotle sweet potatoes
two sweet potatoes, peeled and diced
one can black beans, rinsed
pico de gallo
one chili and one tbsp adobo from chipotle in adobo, finely diced
a bit of cheese of your choice
avocado
pepitas
cilantro

mix diced chipotle and adobo sauce with diced sweet potatoes and one tbsp olive oil.  roast at 400 degrees for about 30 minutes or until crisp.

mix roasted sweet potatoes with black beans and pico de gallo.  top with cheese, diced avocado, toasted pepitas and cilantro.

so easy.  so good.

redefining sweet

it's been about a month since i cut back on sugar, dairy, meat and wheat.  i'm crowding out these foods, replacing them with luscious greens, nut milk, juices, quinoa, fruits and veggies.  so far, so good.

on wednesday, i photographed this beautiful cupcake and then promptly, without thinking, peeled back the paper and took a bite.  the sweetness overwhelmed me.  and not in a good way.  it seems that my mouth, as the official gatekeeper of all things that nourish my body, is developing a new protocol for what is sweet.

i was not expecting this sudden of a turnaround.  and a part of me doesn't fully trust that is indeed a turnaround.  but holy whole foods, i'm going to go with it!  because i've always dreamed of being that girl who really doesn't really care for sugared up food and who can't get enough of all that feeds her in a true and healthy way.

this weekend

is all about clearing and creating space.

i hope your space and your weekend are so so lovely for you.

'tis true

i.  feel.  awesome.

and totally validated by the mirror in the ladies lounge at whole foods.

winterlove {№8}

my most favorite day in february?  it's not valentine's day for sure.  it's the day the quince blossoms push through the bramble singing the first sweet song of spring.

this winter has been easy to love.  but i am still looking forward to bright warm days and air that is perfumed with flowers and soft rain.

virginia is for lovers

not haters.  not fearmongers.  not frightened zealots. 

LOVErs. 

“love is the big booming beat which covers up the noise of hate.”
-margaret cho

winterlove {№7}

oh virginia, your politics make me want to scream. 

but girl, your winter rocks.

kind, clean and colorful

i am increasingly unable to ignore the faint whisper that is reminding me to eat and live as i believe.  to eat clean and beautiful foods that make me sparkle on the inside and do not cause harm to my body or the animal kingdom.  to harmonize my mind and body in the practice of yoga on a regular basis.  over the last decade or more i have shut out this voice and lived in a way that is out of alignment with who i am. 

often i dive in to something head first once i open my heart and mind to it.  this impulsiveness results in a crash and burn and then a retreat to the same old habits.

i'm trying to move more slowly, consciously, deliberately into new and beautiful practices.  beginning with things i love and then softly stretching to allow space for more goodness.

can i tell you how much i love quinoa?  more specifically, can i tell you how much i love every single variety of my rainbow quinoa salad i've created since first trying it last summer?  quinoa nurishes me and provides such a stable foundation for vibrant add-ins. 

for this version i used rainbow quinoa, which is a mix of white, red and black quinoa.  isn't it gorgeous?  i couldn't wait to take its photo.  then i wanted to make out with it.

winter rainbow quinoa (all organic if you can)

1. cook one cup of quinoa
2. dress lightly with a splash of olive oil and the zest and juice of one lemon, orange or lime
3. finely chop a spectacular confetti of purple cabbage, carrots and unsweetened dried cranberries
4. mango! 
5. a few spoons of chia seeds
6. a few handfuls of toasted pepitas
7. cilantro

use what you love and make it beautiful.

i'm so excited about the juicing!  the green juice from last week is quickly becoming my daily go-to.  but remember the soft stretching?  this week, i allowed in some beet, which i have complained all the livelong day tastes like dirt.  i juiced one up with some carrot, cucumber and spinach.  it sure is pretty and only had the slightest tinge of dirt.  wait, let me reframe that:  it tasted of the earth.

i'm working on it.

in my twenties i was a vegetarian for over a year.  and by vegetarian, i mean i survived on bean and cheese burritos, pizza and french fries.   basically it was a lousy diet minus the meat.  there was nothing conscious or beautiful about it.  i haven't made the decision yet to go veg.  maybe there won't be a decision.  maybe it will just be an organic shift toward the kind, clean and colorful.

winterlove {№6}

four days away from the office. 

four days to check off the goodness on this list:

• mad hunt for new boots.  i want gold boots.  is it weird to want gold boots?
• also:  black quinoa to make a delicious winter version of this with blood oranges and pom seeds in place of the peaches
• locate the perfect spot in la casa for ginormous metal and lightbulb peace sign
• haircut.  you may ask why a haircut is on a goodness list?  it's because my stylist rocks!  she is hilarious and truly an artist of the hair.  also, scalp massage.
• i need a new good book.  any suggestions?
• cuddle time.  i love my man and his new yoga body is nice to look at. 
• sunday morning yoga.  it's my church.
• whole foods trip.  it's odd i know, but i really like strolling the aisles of whole foods.  it inspires me to be my healthiest best.
• also strolling said store with hot yoga man and gold boots would really make me smile.

what's on your list for the weekend lovelies?

green day

i mentioned a few weeks ago that i would keep you updated on my progress since working with meg, my health coach.   things are so so good.   if, like me, you get stuck in your own resistance, talking and working with an objective guide may just be your ticket to radiance.  the advice and non-judgmental support is positively slaying me over here.  and by slaying, i mean opening, seeing, accepting, growing, writing and telling a new story while loving the story that came before.

one thing i struggle with is getting enough greens.  greens and other living oxygen-rich whole foods are the foundation of the physical part of this transformation.  out of all the luscious green food, i'm focusing on eating greens that i love, which are only a small part of the big green world out there.  i'm taking baby steps with spinach, arugula, romaine, avocado and cucumber.  sad but true, these are the only green foods i love to taste.   eventually i hope to open my heart just a wee bit to kale and (gasp!) broccoli. 

the simplest ways for me to get some daily green are salads or to whip up a batch of spinach pesto and eat a few spoonfuls with a cooked egg or on whole grain toast.  also i have launched my new radiant self on to the juicing bandwagon.  it's amazing how multiple handfuls of spinach leaves don't taste anything like spinach when pulverized with some grapefruit, cucumber, pear, mint and ginger.  it's liquid sunshine i tell you.  my skin, my tummy and my tastebuds are singing like a hallelujah choir lit up by brilliant sunshine streaming in through a giant kaleidoscope of a stained glass window.

i've lost weight too.  but here's the thing:  this matters to me but not that much.  i think i'm feeling vitality for the first time in my life.  this is what matters.  living a pure and energized organic life.  i'm not nearly there yet, but i can see the road ahead.  it's a beautiful shade of brilliant green.

green day juice
makes about 32 ounces
in the juicer (organic if you can):
one pear
one cucumber
one grapefruit
four or five handfuls of baby spinach
one inch ginger
one sprig mint

winterlove {№5}

in this unusually warm and sunny winter, spring blossoms are experiencing their third (third!) false start.  given i am a master practitioner of the false start, i applaud their eager beaverness.

winterlove {№4}

rainy cold days in winter bring on intense bouts of summer roadtrip planning.  i can feel the wind in my face, my bare feet warming on the dash and the sharp freeze of a blue icee on my tongue.  i can hear the clatter of a diner full of strangers as i await my pancakes.  i love a roadtrip and it's been much too long.

some random things i've seen on roadtrips:

• a pig/boar/creature roadkill the size of a vw beetle in georgia
• wall drug
• when we drove across the country, our trip agenda accidentally fell in sync with a cross-country tour of the promise keepers.  it prepared us for life in lynchburg.  all the public praying and carrying on.
• spontaneous roadside shakespeare
• foot tall banana cream pie
• stunning scenery.  we live in an amazing land.

where would you like to go?  i'm thinking about tackling the longest yard sale this year.  at least the southern part of it.  has anyone been to this?  do tell.

my january

listening:  to others' stories.
eating:  greens.  grapefruit.  and gelato.
drinking:  coffee, all kinds of tea.  and hot water with chloroxygen.
wearing:  jeans or leggings, oversized sweater or top, ugg boots, gypsy water. 
feeling:  hopeful.
planning:  picnics.  hikes.  a trip to the zoo.  spring stuff.
wanting:  to paint my living room walls indigo blue.
needing:  to save money.
thinking:  happy thoughts.
enjoying:  sunny and unusually warm afternoons.

my intj week

this week i got certified to administer and train the myers-briggs type indicator.  it was a great training and i met some really great people.  but i'm a homebody and i don't like being away from home for more than a few days, so i'm happy to be back.  here are a few things i did completely in line with my type, which is intj (introverted, intuition, thinking, judging):

at the end of each (very full) day, i had to sneak out before people started making dinner plans with each other.  i needed space and time to recharge.  i needed to be alone, even in a crowd of strangers.  i loved the training and liked the people, but that didn't matter.  all energy i had for interaction was drained.  each night, i took myself to dinner and did a little shopping.  (introverted)

my favorite new place is sweetgreen.  i love the vibe in the space and the organic and local salads.  i am now on a mad hunt for at least one of those bright yellow metal french chairs.  and they do a little trick which is helpful for greens-avoidant types like me:  they put the good stuff (the grilled chicken, avocado, etc.) underneath the greens in the bowl.  that way you have to make your way through the greens to get to the goods.  i love this idea because i typically eat the top part of my salad and leave most of the greens. 

at papersource, i got a smash journal and accoutrement (thanks liz!), some paper and art stuff.  my "inferior" preference is sensing (practical, real, hands-on, concrete) so the art supplies will help me develop there...putting my ideas (intuition) into action making something (sensing).  we learned a lot about how our type should ideally develop over our lifetime and in true j fashion, i started making a plan to develop my sensing function.  in true n fashion, i imagine the art will be quite fabulous, because you should see it in my head.

working on my poor inferior sensing function has been added to my list of resolutions.  one of the things i learned this week that rang so true for me is that as an n (intuitive), things are, were and always will be better in my own imagination.  this is why i am frequently disappointed in vacations and other experiences.   while i adore and can't imagine going without my rich internal world, this consequence of the n type has always bothered me.  so i will be focusing a lot on the present and being in the actual experience.

good good things

• i spent my saturday afternoon in a house full of happiness.  beautiful people aged one month to seventy-or-so years gathered to celebrate the second birthday of the most precious little girl.  it's nourishing to be surrounded by healthy happy children and moms and dads who are loving, attentive and conscientious parents (provides a nice balance to my job).  there was a lot of playing and laughing and piñata engineering.  oh and ice cream cake.
• today i am off to the d.c. area for a weeklong training to be a certified myers-briggs tester/facilitator.  i'm very excited about this!  have you done the myers-briggs?  what's your type? i'm an intj.
• thrilled that my hotel is next door to a whole foods and within easy distance of everything else i love:  yoga, anthro, papersource.  papersource!!!  it will be good to be in the city for a few days.
• the coaching is going well!  my first week has been full of awareness and small-but-life-altering steps to wellness.  i love my coach.  she is intuitive and genuine and smart and funny.  her name is meg.  do you know her?  if not, get to know her.  you can thank me later.
• the year of the dragon starts this week!  i am a dragon baby.  and a sagittarius.  and an intj.  go figure.
• what is good with you?

oh hey there

it's my blog birthday today.  four years now of words and photos and connections.  thank you curious friends.  for visiting and looking and reading and saying hello and other grand things. 

you inspire me to live a beautiful life.

winterlove {№3}

i love the light that streams through our windows on sunny winter days.  there are loads of trees surrounding our home and the light is filtered with leaves the rest of the year.  but for now until about the middle of april, i'm enjoying the bright clear light.

i crank up the electric blanket, brew myself a cup of tea and settle under the sheets with a good book.  winter's pace gives me freedom to really slow down and rest.  i don't feel the same pressure to do as i often feel in warmer months.

the weekend doesn't feel long enough.  i'm still waiting for a nice safe snow day.  on monday, i had the dogs and my laptop in bed with me and watched all seven episodes of downton abbey, season one.  have you seen this?  i'm obsessed.  i haven't thrown myself this far into a television show since sex and the city.  i'm all caught up now and can't wait for sunday night to see what happens next. 

stealing buddha

this is one of my favorite photos.  i shot it several years ago when i was learning about depth of field.  a large print of it is hanging on my wall.  i saw it this morning (well, an over-saturated photoshopped version of it) on pinterest and it was credited to a tumblr site.  i followed the link and saw that the tumblr site credited it to a blogger that was not me.  that site no longer exists.  i then noticed that the photo was reblogged to about 212 other sites from the tumblr site.   before i stopped myself, i saw that some of those sites gave no credit to the photo or even implied it was their own.

deep breath. 

and another. 

just the other day i thought, "get over yourself" when another blogger was complaining (again) on facebook about her photos being inaccurately credited.

so i am now saying it to myself:

get over yourself.

let it go.

detach.

the subject matter of the photo is perfect for this challenge.  whenever i begin to study buddhism, my eyes start to glaze over when we get to the part about non-attachment.  i like my things.  i like my people.  i like my ideas.  i am not a good sharer.  (just ask ken about the big bowl of popcorn that is mineminemine and get your mitts outta the bowl.)  quite the lesson for me, right?

i realized that tracking down every single blog that posted my (um, the) photo was fruitless and a little stupid.  i realized that the wild possessive streak that was heating up my body was quite ugly.  i realized that buddha (even a miniature manufactured buddha) does not belong to me.

i realized that the image gives peace and happiness and color and joy to so many people who i will never know, who will never visit my blog and who may need to see it at just the right moment.

do i really need to be credited with that?  it would be nice, but it's not necessary.

i'm over myself.  it feels weird.  in a good way.

and yes, i realize that this blog post is staking claim to the image.  baby steps.

p.s.  i still believe the kindest, most-likely-way-to-produce-good-karma thing to do it to ask permission and/or properly credit photos, especially when they are from someone who makes their living from their photography.

my good soul

in my twenties, i was a single mom struggling to make a decent life in a little house in a not-so-great neighborhood bordered by the city of bakersfield, california to the north and acres of farmland to the south.  i didn't have a lot of money and had no car for several years. 

on sunday afternoons, i put mia in her stroller with the wonky wheel and we walked on a little stretch of highway 58 to a funky makeshift cafe in a converted liquor store next to a 7-11.  it was run by a beautiful woman from bangladesh who had moved to california and joined the pentecostal church.  during the week, she served typical american food.  but on sundays, she made the most amazing hot and spicy chicken soup for two dollars a bowl.  i can still remember her standing at the stove with her thick black hair in one solid braid that reached past her hips, dressed in a long flowery prairie dress, singing hymns in bengali. 

i can't remember the bengali name for the soup.  she translated it for me once, writing out "my good soul" on a napkin.  i think she was trying to write "my good soup" but her english was shaky.  she placed her hand on her heart when i spoke the name out loud. 

indeed, this is where the soup worked its magic.  after each delicious spoonful, the warmth would slowly bloom around our hearts.  i had no health insurance at the time and i swear this soup, with its garlic and ginger and spinach and chili peppers, saved us.  in those days, neither one of us ever experienced illness that required medical care.

the last time i went home to bakersfied (seven years ago now), i drove out highway 58 toward pumpkin center to find the cafe torn down; replaced by a car lot.   i couldn't remember the name of the cafe.  actually, i don't think it had a name. 

for years i've tried to recreate the soup.  it has taken much trial and error.  for the longest time, i thought the little black seeds in the soup were poppy seeds.  i recently discovered they are nigella sativa seeds.  i've come pretty close to matching the taste and the healing effect.  the soup is a lovely mix of south asian magic and american practicality.  just like its original creator. 

my good soul makes you feel instantly better when you are unwell or off kilter in your body or spirit.  i try and use only organic ingredients.  you can probably use mushrooms and vegetable broth in lieu of the chicken to make it vegan.  this makes a nice big pot.

my good soul
three chicken breasts, poached and shredded
olive oil
nigella sativa seeds, about one tbsp.
mustard seeds, one tsp.
one onion, chopped
two celery stalks, chopped
two carrots, chopped
one head garlic, chopped (about twelve cloves)
two tbsp. chili pepper paste in the tube
two tbsp. ginger paste in the tube
chicken broth
two cans great northern beans, rinsed
baby spinach leaves
pumpkin seeds

use bone-in chicken breast with skin for the best taste.  poach the chicken by simmering it in just enough water to cover, salt, pepper, chili flakes, rosemary and a bay leaf for about thirty minutes.  set aside to cool before shredding the meat.  reserve the cooking liquid; it's about three cups.

cover the bottom of a large pot with olive oil and heat until a seed dropped in pops.  add the seeds and cook for about thirty seconds.  reduce heat to medium high and add onion, celery and carrots.  cook for about five minutes, until tender.  add the garlic and cook a few minutes.  add the chili and ginger pastes and stir well. 

add about one-half cup of your poaching liquid and deglaze the pan.  add the beans and your shredded chicken.  add the rest of your poaching liquid and extra broth (or water) if you need it to fill the pot to two inches below the brim.  bring to a boil.  reduce to low, cover and simmer for twenty minutes.

add the spinach and stir in to wilt.

garnish with pumpkin seeds.

eat. 

feel better.

*

p.s.  it's difficult for me to get my recipes exact because i play when i cook.  i encourage you to do the same.  use all six of your senses when you make a meal.  i use a le creuset pot, which gets pretty hot, so you may need to leave some wiggle room for cooking times.   adjust the heat to your taste, this recipe is quite spicy.  the nigella sativa seeds are pretty important here.  if you live in a large city, you can probably find them at an indian food store or maybe whole foods.  i ordered mine online, so if you're local to me and want to make the soup, i've got close to a lifetime supply and i'm happy to share.

winterlove {№2}

one more workday loves, then i'm all about the coziness of home on this first really cold weekend of winter.  the only things on my schedule besides yoga are reading and cuddling.  and there's always the possibility of a fireside picnic.

stay warm and happy friday!

allowing help

i have no problem privately asking for guidance from spiritual (i.e. imaginary) beings.  i pray to my childhood jesus.  a dashboard ganesh removes obstacles and danger from my commute.  i softly touch the foot of the giant brass ganesh who sits at the door of my favorite indian restuarant.  a sweet angel sits in my garden and protects my space.  a tiny buddha stands on my desk to help me remember to stay balanced and flowy.  these are my spiritual guardians, my little helpers, and they quietly remind me throughout my days and nights that i am being watched over and supported.

asking for support and help in the real world and from real people is not so easy for me.

since i so often fancy myself in the role of helper-protector-advisor and not one to be helped, protected or advised, it's difficult for me to admit when need help and guidance and support.  i struggle to not view that as a less-than position.  one of the biggest challenges for me in bikram yoga has been to stay in the role of student, listener, obeyer, truster. 

one of my goals for the year (ahem, for my life) is to learn to ask for and accept help without shame or embarrassment.  typically, i am a do-it-myself kinda girl and can be a bit of a smarty pants.  i remember a time in my childhood when my only sense of worth came from knowing the answer and doing it first, right and best.  and as i typed that sentence, it occured to me that this may still be partially true.

asking for and accepting help is akin to admitting i can't do it alone.

the reality is that there are certain areas of my life where i need help.  i get bogged down in resistance and defiance, i emotionally overeat, i make other unhealthy choices when i am tired, excited, bored, pissed off.  i tend toward isolation.  i blur the concept of acceptance with giving up and becoming unconscious. 

so i finally made the decision, took the leap and hired a wellness coach. 

it's going to be a big challenge for me to stay true to my goal; to remain open and curious and committed to change.  to trust the process and the relationship.  it took me a while to find someone i wanted to work with.  i'm happy with my choice, if not a wee bit nervous. 

what about you?  have you ever worked with a coach? 

i'll keep you posted on my progress.  for the time being, i'm making some space to allow help to come and to be at peace on the other side of the helping relationship.

winterlove {№1}

so instead of going into hibernation mode (read:  an unconscious seasonal stupor) this winter, i'm going to try to stay present and really appreciate the gifts of this much-maligned time of year.

up until tuesday, this has pretty much been a breeze.  the weather has been unusually sunny and almost warm.  i went barefoot outside on new year's eve.  my neighbors are still peddling bikes around our little downtown.  i've worn a coat three times. 

i want to indulge in winter's traditional sensory pleasures:  fires, hot soups, wooly socks, writing love notes on windows with my finger, snowball fights.  i want to get outside and see it and touch it and smell it.

i want to take full advantage of the spiritual jobs of winter:  resting, reflecting, observing, planning, healing.  

i want to embrace the winterness of it all.

2012: the year of abundance and extraordinary things

 
there, i said it.

picnic {№11}

here is a rule i live by:  when it's the last day of december and seventy sunny degrees outside, you must have a picnic.

a new years eve picnic turns out to be an incredibly peaceful and sweet way to end the year.

so i paid homage to my parents' swinging nye parties (also in the seventies) by making classic cheese fondue.  it's super easy to pull together for an inpromtu little feast in the backyard.  a little cheese, a little wine, a dash of grated nutmeg is pretty much it.  for dipping:  sourdough bread, chicken sausage and apples. 

are these not the most beautiful olives you have ever seen?

and of course, some bubbles.  my favorite sparkling wines are sofia blanc de blancs in the wee pink can or a spanish cava.  my market was out of sofia so i went with the cava.  pink.  sipped through a straw.

ken joined me in choosing a word for 2012.  i made little cupcake toppers for the occassion.

him:  balance.  me:  abundance.

one of the issues with having a picnic in our backyard is managing our pack of beasts.  luca, the wire fox terrier, uses the table as his lookout on an everyday basis and kept trying to jump up during our meal.

we finally let him up at the end to take care of the tiny bit of leftover cheese in the pot.  (yes, i know this is why they are beasts.  because they are spoiled and get their way.)

simon is a chubby corgi with really short legs, so he can't jump on the table.  he was happy with a tiny bite of sausage.

roxy the cairn terrier pulled a greta garbo and remained aloof and out of camera range.

i wish you all a beautiful, colorful and abundant new year filled with love and beauty and grace and picnics.

if you would like to choose a word for 2012, susannah conway has a wonderful way to explore, click here.  i love hearing others' words, so please share. 

also, my absolute favorite new blogger, meg worden, has written an exquisite bit on nourishment.  please click here to read.  it's brilliant.  truly, i believe it has become my manifesto for a beautiful life.

i was here

thank you 2011.  you gave me lots of solid ground upon which to stand.

little rainbows everywhere

sometimes i fantasize about living in shades of white, grey, stone and wood.  but then i have a funky day and am cheered by color in nearly every corner of my home.

loot was had

it's true, i can go from spiritual to material (and grateful) in zero-point-four seconds.

i hope your christmas bounty was awesome too.

happy day!

{illuminé}

making space for the sacred on this christmas eve.

peace, love and light to you and yours,
lisa

christmas color friday: black

happy christmas weekend friends.  i hope you enjoy silent nights, campfires with s'mores, cuddling with those you love, releasing all shadows from 2011 and opening to all the wonders and beauty of 2012.