Monday, May 14, 2012


things just seem to be broken. 

my body is positively mutinous.  (seriously, who gains weight when they do bikram yoga and/or become a vegetarian?  um, that would be me.)

i keep telling my heart to be grateful and joyous, but it really really wants to be in a bright blue funk.

i try to smile and put a hopeful spin on things, but the thoughts and words seem disingenuous.  then i roll right into self-loathing because i hate a phony more than anything.

words i say or express online end up sounding stupid or needy or angry or basically anything other than what i intended them to be.

my juicer broke.

my bike has a flat tire.

we don't get a salary raise again (fifth year and counting).

i've written and rewritten this post several times and it never feels quite right.

okay, since i seem to be spilling it here, i don't think zooey deschanel is cute.  in fact, she comes off a wee bit moronic in the iphone commercial.  "is that rain?"  idiot.

now i feel bad because i've resorted to name-calling. and i'm not sure why i care so much about zooey deschanel.

well actually, i don't feel that bad.  i just typed that because that's what a mature caring human being would feel and i want you to think i am a mature caring human being.  i feel something like....better.  like putting all the stupid broken bits into words discharged some of their power.   it feels good to not be pretending that it's all good and to not yammer on about tomorrow being another day.

sometimes a girl just needs to nod to the broken bits.  sometimes she needs to sound pissy and ungrateful and a bit bratty and indulge in a good old fashioned temper tantrum. 

i did try to dress it up with a colorful photo.