Sunday, May 13, 2012
as the sun glows through the wee forest this morning, i light five sticks. it is completely silent except for quiet birdsong and a faint rustling of leaves.
mother's day is a hard day for me. my relationship with my mother is complicated.
my own role as a mother was not my best work.
sometimes i feel like an imposter because my profession involves assessing others' abilities and challenges as parents.
who am i to judge?
so i sit in silence and listen to my heart. the heart that aches with regrets and missed opportunities and a thousand magical wishes for a do-over.
one is lit for forgiveness: for her and for myself.
one is lit for acceptance: for lessons learned.
one is lit for gratitude: there were really really good things too and i know that it could have been much worse.
one is lit for grace: for its gentle comfort when history manifests in not-so-kind ways.
one is lit for truth: that i can stand brave within it and authentically help others.
then my spirit lightens as the air is softly scented with champaca, anise, rose and pine.
and i can let go of the past and just be myself. with my history, my wounds, my mistakes, my strength, my courage, my grace.
i can move forward, not from a place of judgment, but from this place of service and compassion.