Sunday, May 13, 2012

sunday grace

as the sun glows through the wee forest this morning, i light five sticks.  it is completely silent except for quiet birdsong and a faint rustling of leaves.

mother's day is a hard day for me.  my relationship with my mother is complicated.

my own role as a mother was not my best work.

sometimes i feel like an imposter because my profession involves assessing others' abilities and challenges as parents.

who am i to judge?

so i sit in silence and listen to my heart.  the heart that aches with regrets and missed opportunities and a thousand magical wishes for a do-over. 

one is lit for forgiveness:  for her and for myself.

one is lit for acceptance:   for lessons learned.

one is lit for gratitude:  there were really really good things too and i know that it could have been much worse.

one is lit for grace:  for its gentle comfort when history manifests in not-so-kind ways.

one is lit for truth:  that i can stand brave within it and authentically help others.

then my spirit lightens as the air is softly scented with champaca, anise, rose and pine.

and i can let go of the past and just be myself.  with my history, my wounds, my mistakes, my strength, my courage, my grace.

i can move forward, not from a place of judgment, but from this place of service and compassion.