sunday grace

the monks of tashi kyil monastery are at randolph this week creating a sand mandala in the chapel.  the creation and destruction of the complex design made from tiny grains of sand is a tibetan buddhist tradition symbolizing the impermanence of the material world.

the chapel is silent except for the occasional hum of a singing bowl and the insect-like sound the monks' brass tools make as they are rubbed together to release precise amounts of sand.

today is day two of their work.  on wednesday the mandala will be complete.  then it will be destroyed.

last week i devoured the entire season of orange is the new black.  so many words and images from the show are seared onto my heart and mind.  in one scene, yoga jones tells piper about the buddhist sand mandala and says, "work hard to make something as meaningful and beautiful as you can and when you're done, pack it in and know it was all temporary.  you have to remember that--it's all temporary."

words that apply in many situations other than a prison sentence.

it's all beautifully temporary.

face north with gratitude

dear beautiful,

you tried your best.

it didn't work out the way you planned.

now you feel sad.

i understand. really, darling, i do, and i'm sorry if you're hurting.

but let me clue you in on my little secret. it might masquerade as failure or rejection. you might judge yourself because it didn't work out.  you might worry what others will think.

but sometimes the only way the universe knows how to communicate that it's in the highest good for all beings if you face north instead of south is to block your path.

don't take it personally, my dear.

bless the redirect.

thank the universe.

face north with gratitude.

(sweet note from the universe received today via the daily flame.)

the light in you

honored.

stealing buddha

this is one of my favorite photos.  i shot it several years ago when i was learning about depth of field.  a large print of it is hanging on my wall.  i saw it this morning (well, an over-saturated photoshopped version of it) on pinterest and it was credited to a tumblr site.  i followed the link and saw that the tumblr site credited it to a blogger that was not me.  that site no longer exists.  i then noticed that the photo was reblogged to about 212 other sites from the tumblr site.   before i stopped myself, i saw that some of those sites gave no credit to the photo or even implied it was their own.

deep breath. 

and another. 

just the other day i thought, "get over yourself" when another blogger was complaining (again) on facebook about her photos being inaccurately credited.

so i am now saying it to myself:

get over yourself.

let it go.

detach.

the subject matter of the photo is perfect for this challenge.  whenever i begin to study buddhism, my eyes start to glaze over when we get to the part about non-attachment.  i like my things.  i like my people.  i like my ideas.  i am not a good sharer.  (just ask ken about the big bowl of popcorn that is mineminemine and get your mitts outta the bowl.)  quite the lesson for me, right?

i realized that tracking down every single blog that posted my (um, the) photo was fruitless and a little stupid.  i realized that the wild possessive streak that was heating up my body was quite ugly.  i realized that buddha (even a miniature manufactured buddha) does not belong to me.

i realized that the image gives peace and happiness and color and joy to so many people who i will never know, who will never visit my blog and who may need to see it at just the right moment.

do i really need to be credited with that?  it would be nice, but it's not necessary.

i'm over myself.  it feels weird.  in a good way.

and yes, i realize that this blog post is staking claim to the image.  baby steps.

p.s.  i still believe the kindest, most-likely-way-to-produce-good-karma thing to do it to ask permission and/or properly credit photos, especially when they are from someone who makes their living from their photography.

looking for goodness

I do my best to improve my spiritual disposition. often my efforts leave me frustrated and wondering what in the world is wrong with me. my left brain is a big, big brain and very powerful. most recently, I have been exploring the tenets of buddhism. I am very far from zen. the girl who is far from zen is exactly the girl who should take a good look and try to get closer to zen. so the past few months, I have been happy to have a look and think. I am currently reading the art of happiness, by his holiness the dalai lama (I know, it's buddha for lightweights).

and there it is, in the book's introduction. the belief that causes my skin to prickle and my brain to move into dissonance: all humans are basically good. I am outing myself here. I do not believe this. (on the flip-side, I also do not believe western religion's notion that we are all sinners.)

my husband thinks this misunderstanding of mine (he is one of those lucky souls who truly believes in the basic goodness of the human spirit) is due to the field I work in and that I am surrounded by pain, suffering, depression, and endless cycles of violence and personal irresponsibility. (I have even met children who scare me.) there may be some truth to this.

but consider that the opposite may also be true; that his holiness and other enlightened souls can carry this belief because of the people who surround them. I would imagine that the throngs of folk who seek the dalai lama, visit zen retreats and conferences and whatnot have already experienced some growth and that their hearts were open in the first place to goodness and light. it would make it easier to believe that all humans are good when the energy swirling around you is pure and magically oriented to growth.

is goodness an environmental concept? can we believe in pure good as long as we surround ourselves with it? I want to believe this. especially since it looks as if true happiness is out of my reach until I authentically grab on to at least a bit of this belief. this blog community that I am blessed to be a part of demonstrates that there are pockets of good. but are we, as seekers of goodness, in denial of the rest of the story? I am eager and open to hearing your thoughts. (momma zen, if you are here, please, please chime in with your wisdom and any reading you recommend.)