tiny memoir: san francisco 1994

the layers of heat and smoke in the room mock the layers of cold and fog out on the street.

with each step my boots stick and softly rip away from the floor as i make my way through the sea of bodies to the little table against the wall.

on the stage, the man she loves is giving voice and rhythm to his poetry, gentle and fierce, full of joy.

the music and the crowd drown out our voices, but lifetimes speaking the secret language of girl friendship allow us to understand every word we say to each other.

later, homeward bound, we cross the bridge and slow the car to look back at the city.

like our young selves, it’s lit up in the distance, golden and complicated and spectacular and one-of-a-kind.

sunday grace {and gratitude}

a golden lotus lamp hangs upside down over the dining room table and illuminates the space. sometimes i sit here in the soft focus of the early morning light, just before the sun peeks over the east side treeline and floods every corner of this room with brightness.  i just sit.  and in a practice of gratitude i take it all in, the mental inventory of goodness and abundance, of all the needs met.  i whisper thank yous and recognize the incomprehension of how this all happened and quickly swallow that always-present chaser of enjoy-it-while-you-can-because-things-can-change-at-any-second, that tastes somewhat like unworthiness.

a week (or two or three) in color {№15}

the last brilliantly colorful, sunshiny autumn day.

goods from our local holiday vintage market.  we have such talented artists here in loveburg (i've added a new local linky area to my sidebar if you're interested).

finally, a green drink that doesn't make me spike, crash and burn.  inspired by the glowing green at little green hive: one banana, one cup frozen mango, two cups spinach, one cup almond milk (maybe more), one scoop amazing grass.  blend until smooth and spinach is emulsified (i.e. no little green specks).

if i had just one free wall in my house, i would have snatched all of these paint-by-number panels that were stacked two feet high in a junk shop.  because a wall of paint-by-number!

the christmas stuff is appearing bit by bit on gypsy hill.

i have a little interview in the current issue of mabel magazine.  it's kind of surreal to see bits of your life in print and a little intimidating to be included with artists and creatives you admire.  the magazine is full of stories and images to inspire and uplift.  stef and liz are doing such a remarkable job with this magazine (and their introduction to the interview made my heart glow).  plus, doesn't luca look so handsome?

sunday grace

life is a spell so exquisite that everything conspires to break it.

{emily dickinson}

creative gatherings: a guide for introverts {part two}

a common myth in our culture is that introverts do not like being with people.  introverts love (or dislike) other people the same as extraverts.  as we discussed in part one of the guide, being in large groups for prolonged periods of time is energy-depleting for introverts and we aren't naturally skilled at and don't enjoy small-talk or chitchat.   introverts feel the same human emotions of connection and belonging and have desires to be with people who share their passions, it just might be necessary for us to manage those situations a bit differently.

most creative retreats where artists, writers, seekers, poets, yogis, photographers want to gather are going to be brimming with introverts.   because an introvert's comfort zone is internal and reflective, we tend to fancy the arts, writing and other inner-focused or inner-sourced endeavors.  of course there are many creatives who prefer extraversion with whom we will be retreating or workshopping, but generally you can count on more introverts attending a creative retreat than, say, a noisy and crowded social event where the primary purpose is to mingle with mostly strangers.

but even though we can count on a large number of introverts being present with us at creative retreats, we still have to manage the social aspects of the gathering.  this starts way before we get there.  the good news is this requires a bit of research, something most introverts enjoy.

know your retreat
spend a good amount of time here to gather as much information as you can about retreat options so that you can make the best decision for you and your creative and introverted needs.  i recommend doing a lot of online research.  peruse the retreat website and participant blog posts about the retreat (usually there are links on the website).  how is the overall feel of the retreat described?  what kind of classes and activities are offered?  what are the images communicating to you?

email or call (who are we kidding?  email.) the retreat organizer to gather more information about the energy of the gathering.  how many participants will there be?  what do the social activities entail? what about the schedule, is there downtime/freetime space?  are there places and spaces and opportunities to seek solitude?

talk to friends or connections that have attended retreats.  i like to get an introvert's perspective and an extravert's perspective.

consider the type of retreat.  writing retreats (or gatherings where writing is a primary activity) are probably going to naturally support more introversion.

most retreats are going to have social and extraverted activities.  this is good!  it allows you the opportunity to flex your balance muscles and practice extraversion.

here is a list of retreats either i or a close friend have attended which create space for introverts and extraverts to gather harmoniously:

animyst gatherings
be present retreats
call of the wild soul retreats
creative joy and taos writer retreats
life is a verb camp (this one is on my radar for 2015)
lucky star art camp
squam art workshops

this list is in no way exclusive, there are many many retreat options out there.  research away!

think about your own privacy preferences when it comes to lodging
thoughtful organizers are going to ask for your preferences when it comes to arranging lodging. usually this looks like a question or questions on your registration form about your privacy/social preferences and whether you prefer a single room or to have a roommate.  i have experienced a variety of lodging arrangements at retreats: roommates, single rooms, and staying off-site.

don't automatically rule out the roommate situation.  i've been incredibly blessed with the luck-of-the draw when it comes to retreat roommates (hello sarah and mindy) and housemates and most have become lifelong friends.  you may have the option to request a specific person to be your roommate and the retreat organizer will manage the final arrangement, taking the other person's preferences into account.  you might also want to contact the organizer to talk about how they do their roommate matchmaking and how/if you can help them make a good decision for you.

it's a good idea to let your roommate know you are introverted and you both can come to an agreement about sharing space harmoniously.

a single private room in a house full of people is a good option.  i've chosen this option before and it provides for a good balance of social interaction with privacy.

recently i had the opportunity to attend a retreat while staying offsite.  i attended the regular workshops, meals and evening activities of the retreat, but then left the site to sleep in a private house (this might also be a hotel room). this option allowed introverted me to feel less chained to the site.  i tend to need more alone-time in the morning, so it also allowed me to delay socializing by having my coffee, thinking and morning meditation, then arriving on site shortly before workshops began.

the price i paid for this option was that i missed out on some of the (intoverted-preferred, more intimate) conversations and connections that tend to happen around the retreat site/house at night and in the early mornings. and i really did miss that.

consider how travel options might affect your introversion
the ideal travel situation for my introversion is to drive, by myself, to and from the retreat.  this solitary time gives me plenty of introverted downtime to store energy for the upcoming retreat and to restore energy after the retreat. another option is driving partway by myself and picking up a fellow retreat participant on the way.

flying is another common option for transportation  let's consider how flying generally affects introverts.  even though there are a lot of people in airports and on the plane, there is little social requirement to interact so introverts tend to be okay with flying.  however, you are always taking the chance of being seated (captured) next to someone who needs to talk to you throughout the flight.  when i don't want to talk, i put my earbuds in (before i enter the airport) even if they are not connected to my devise.  this gives most people the subtle cue that i am not open to conversation right now.  hint:  i do this while shopping as well.

if your anxiety increases with flying, consider that we tend to cling to our preferences (introversion or extraversion) under stressful situations.  remember, this is our comfort zone, so it's our automatic happy place.  if you are stressed or anxious for other reasons, your introversion may be exaggerated and interaction may seem more depleting than usual.  we become even more introverted and extraverts become even more extraverted.  carl jung called this phenomenon being "in the grip" of our personality; it happens with the other domains of our personality as well (the other myers-briggs letters).

get a job
where do you find introverts at a party?  in the kitchen.  introverts love to have a little job during social events.  kitchen jobs and other opportunities to help the host give us a break from the responsibility of group interaction.  there may be an opportunity for volunteering or even work-study at gatherings. ask your organizer.

make preparations for your return
before the retreat is the time to think about re-entry (that weird hard time between retreat life and real life).  once you've selected the prefect retreat for you, remember you are going to need time and space to recover energy after the retreat.  this is especially important for introverts.

part four of this guide will focus exclusively on re-entry.  but at this point, when we are choosing the retreat, we need to consider location and dates and our own schedule and real-life responsibilities and give ourselves some buffer time here.

part three will cover how we can care for ourselves during the creative gathering.  it will be up in a week or so.

sunday grace

because of the dog's joyfulness
our own is increased.
it is not the least reason why we should honor
as well as love the dog of our own life,
and the dog down the street,
and all the dogs not yet born.
what would the world be like
without music or rivers or the green and tender grass?
what would this world be like without dogs?

-mary oliver, dog songs

creative gatherings: a guide for introverts

it took a bit of courage, borne of sheer desperation to be in the company of artists, for me to attend my first art retreat in 2009 (i went to learn from this beautiful soul specifically, and ended up connecting with and learning from so many more).

i am an introvert.  and i hadn't been in a large group setting such as this since the notorious girl scout camping incident of 1975 which ended with introverted and depleted me, hiding, completely zipped up in my sleeping bag, being "danced" on by fifteen vivacious, (probably) extraverted 11-year-old girls.

large groups are not the preferred social setting for introverts.  but creative retreats, those days-long immersions into art, fun, friendship and relaxation in amazing locales, tempt and toy with our solitary inclinations.  i know well the challenges of going and being there.  i know that some miss out on the experience to avoid these challenges.  with a little awareness and planning and a heap of self-care, introverts can and should flourish at creative retreats.  i hope this guide is helpful for you.  i hope to meet you soon, in person, with your camera or your words or up to your elbows in a rainbow of paints, glowing the glow only you can bring to creative community.

part one:  understanding introversion

i imagine that if you are reading this, you are an introvert.  i hope that a few of you are extraverts; a future section of the guide will include tips for our extraverted kindred and how they can create and play together with introverts at gatherings.

the definitions of introversion and extraversion i use in the guide are based on the myers-briggs type indicator (mbti), which is grounded in carl jung's classic and brilliant work on human personality (and why i spell "extraversion" with an a, instead of an o).  the mbti, when processed mindfully, is such an amazing template for self-awareness.

you may also define yourself as an introvert or an extravert based on our popular cultural understanding of the terms and that may or may not fit into the jungian definitions.  so that we all start on the same page, let's begin with some foundational descriptions of introversion and extraversion.

in the jungian paradigm, the dichotomy of introversion--extraversion describes how we glean and direct our energy and attention.  it's not about being shy or outgoing; a loner or a party girl (although these attributes may be present with both introverts and extraverts).  humans can and do behave in both introverted and extraverted ways, just not with equal levels of comfort.  in the same way we are capable of using both our right and left hands, we have a natural-born preference for one or the other.

jung believed that we are born with and do not change our preference over time.  as we develop throughout our lifetimes, our awareness of who we are increases, we can become more adept at using the opposite preference in our lives, flowing and flourishing outside of our comfort zones.

people are often surprised to learn that i am an introvert because i publicly behave in extraverted ways.  for the most part, i am confident and relaxed in social situations.  public speaking is a primary responsibility of my job. introversion and extraversion are about how we navigate groups of people, company, conversations, relationships, human interactions, but even more about how we recover from those interactions.  extraverts are energetically fed by outward interaction; introverts are energetically depleted by those same interactions and must recover with quiet, solitary space and time for reflection.  after a week of teaching, i have to hibernate.  an extravert with the same job might happily continue socializing through the weekend.

here are a few more general distinctions:

introverts are naturally focused on the inner world of ideas and images.
extraverts are naturally focused on the outer world of people and things.

introverts need space and silence to re-energize their bodies and minds.
extraverts need human interaction to re-energize their bodies and minds.

introverts prefer to interact with people they know.
extraverts prefer to interact with all people, strangers included.

introverts prefer fewer, more intense/intimate relationships.
extraverts prefer many, less intense/intimate relationships.

introverts tend to dislike and avoid small-talk.
extraverts adeptly use the art of brief conversation in an effort to connect with as many people as possible.

introverts like meaningful and intimate one-on-one conversations; depth of relationship.
extraverts like to (and can) work a crowd; breadth of relationship.

introverts need time to gather their thoughts before speaking and prefer to know you before self-disclosing.  they can be hard to know.
extraverts are naturally friendly and often verbally skilled; talking is a way they process their thoughts.  they are easy to get to know.

in the absence of understanding, introverts can seem boring, secretive or snobbish to extraverts.
in the absence of understanding, extraverts can seem shallow, intrusive or attention-seeking to introverts.

still an introvert?  excellent.  introverts are so awesome.

to thrive creatively and in community with other creatives, we start here:

• we must develop an understanding of our true types.  do you really prefer introversion?  is there a possibility that you may truly be an extravert who was "mislabeled" due to shyness or social discomfort?  
• understanding that introversion--extraversion is just one dimension of our unique personalities. there are other jungian/mbti factors to consider that impact how we express our introversion. we'll touch on this a bit in later posts.
• no type is better or worse than the other.
• we have to understand and embrace our type.  we can't become another type.  we can (and must) move outside of our comfort zones and practice other type expressions to be a fully expressed human and operate harmoniously with the rest of humanity.
• introverts have to know and apply their own individual needed level of self-care.
• introverts must become adept at creating their own emotional and energetic boundaries.  we live in an extraverted world and no one is able to do this but ourselves.

in the next post in the series we'll take a look at different types of creative retreats and learn how doing some research and planning before we retreat can set the scene for an amazing retreat experience.  look for part two in a week or so.

if you are interested in knowing your full myers-briggs personality type, i recommend you work with a trained and certified guide.  the free internet quizes don't provide the level of understanding required to find your true type or explore the complexities of human personality, or guarantee you are taking the actual and full instrument.  there is an official online option here; just remember it is ideal to work with a facilitator in order to discover your true type.  sometimes, the only option we have is to do the mbti in our "day job" setting.  the corporate energy/setting may pose some nuanced complications for you.  this is why i am creating myers-briggs for artists.

my friend and extraordinary coach meg worden has an amazing offering that may be just the thing your introverted self needs to softly float through the upcoming weeks:  surviving the holidays with gravy and grace:  for introverts, martyrs + nerds.  

(image captured at 2013 creative joy retreat.)