nourished

"now she's back in the atmosphere

with drops of jupiter in her hair."

i've returned from this magical little place that is nestled into the nooks and crannies of the world's most ancient mountain range.  bend of ivy lodge, in the blue ridge mountains just north of asheville, was the location of alena hennessy's soul painting retreat.  it was so very luscious.  as i sifted through my photographs, i became aware that i was more present with my eyes and heart than with my camera.

still, i did not neglect to capture some of the magnificence of this week.  they are in no particular order as i have not yet shaken off the rhythm of retreat (i.e. go with the flow, say yes, be present, be open, etc.).  i'm going to hold on to it as long as i can.

everything we did...painting, talking, laughing, eating, sitting in silence...was adorned with the sounds of nature:  the creeks, the crickets, the rustling trees, the birds, the goats, the thunderstorms.

there was so much attention to spirit.

alena's teaching style is gentle and intuitive.  she provides demonstrations and guidance, but the painting process is yours alone.  i love this.

and it was such a delight to have the joyful and profoundly talented mati rose to teach and guide too.

summer's lush was just barely yielding to the crisp nature of autumn.  the grounds were incredible.

the lodge was cozy and you could tell its walls had held much happiness over the years.  we enjoyed yoga, qoya, reiki, journeying, storytelling and meditating here.

and we were nourished with an abundance of organic food sourced from local farms and providers.
all of our meals were made from scratch and with love by dava.  i have never been so well fed on so many levels.  the food was quite simply the most beautiful energy my body has ever had the pleasure to taste and smell and touch and see and hear.

even with all the amazing amenities and activities, it is always the people who make or break a retreat.  these women, who bravely came from near and far and gathered to quickly create a sisterhood out of strangers, they are the heart of this retreat.  they are artists and singers and healers and huggers and dancers.  the mountains will echo their laughter for a long time to come.

thank you life.


bonus list of things to start practicing in real life:

• wear a bindi every day
• dance qoya and shake your body like a dog
• walk in nature
• put your fingers in some paint and move it around a bit
• sing to the sun
• crap food doesn't feed your body or your soul, cook and eat like dava.
• let people hug you.
• people that make you laugh until you cry:  find more of them.

creative gatherings: a guide for introverts {part two}

a common myth in our culture is that introverts do not like being with people.  introverts love (or dislike) other people the same as extraverts.  as we discussed in part one of the guide, being in large groups for prolonged periods of time is energy-depleting for introverts and we aren't naturally skilled at and don't enjoy small-talk or chitchat.   introverts feel the same human emotions of connection and belonging and have desires to be with people who share their passions, it just might be necessary for us to manage those situations a bit differently.

most creative retreats where artists, writers, seekers, poets, yogis, photographers want to gather are going to be brimming with introverts.   because an introvert's comfort zone is internal and reflective, we tend to fancy the arts, writing and other inner-focused or inner-sourced endeavors.  of course there are many creatives who prefer extraversion with whom we will be retreating or workshopping, but generally you can count on more introverts attending a creative retreat than, say, a noisy and crowded social event where the primary purpose is to mingle with mostly strangers.

but even though we can count on a large number of introverts being present with us at creative retreats, we still have to manage the social aspects of the gathering.  this starts way before we get there.  the good news is this requires a bit of research, something most introverts enjoy.

know your retreat
spend a good amount of time here to gather as much information as you can about retreat options so that you can make the best decision for you and your creative and introverted needs.  i recommend doing a lot of online research.  peruse the retreat website and participant blog posts about the retreat (usually there are links on the website).  how is the overall feel of the retreat described?  what kind of classes and activities are offered?  what are the images communicating to you?

email or call (who are we kidding?  email.) the retreat organizer to gather more information about the energy of the gathering.  how many participants will there be?  what do the social activities entail? what about the schedule, is there downtime/freetime space?  are there places and spaces and opportunities to seek solitude?

talk to friends or connections that have attended retreats.  i like to get an introvert's perspective and an extravert's perspective.

consider the type of retreat.  writing retreats (or gatherings where writing is a primary activity) are probably going to naturally support more introversion.

most retreats are going to have social and extraverted activities.  this is good!  it allows you the opportunity to flex your balance muscles and practice extraversion.

here is a list of retreats either i or a close friend have attended which create space for introverts and extraverts to gather harmoniously:

animyst gatherings
be present retreats
call of the wild soul retreats
creative joy and taos writer retreats
life is a verb camp (this one is on my radar for 2015)
lucky star art camp
squam art workshops

this list is in no way exclusive, there are many many retreat options out there.  research away!

think about your own privacy preferences when it comes to lodging
thoughtful organizers are going to ask for your preferences when it comes to arranging lodging. usually this looks like a question or questions on your registration form about your privacy/social preferences and whether you prefer a single room or to have a roommate.  i have experienced a variety of lodging arrangements at retreats: roommates, single rooms, and staying off-site.

don't automatically rule out the roommate situation.  i've been incredibly blessed with the luck-of-the draw when it comes to retreat roommates (hello sarah and mindy) and housemates and most have become lifelong friends.  you may have the option to request a specific person to be your roommate and the retreat organizer will manage the final arrangement, taking the other person's preferences into account.  you might also want to contact the organizer to talk about how they do their roommate matchmaking and how/if you can help them make a good decision for you.

it's a good idea to let your roommate know you are introverted and you both can come to an agreement about sharing space harmoniously.

a single private room in a house full of people is a good option.  i've chosen this option before and it provides for a good balance of social interaction with privacy.

recently i had the opportunity to attend a retreat while staying offsite.  i attended the regular workshops, meals and evening activities of the retreat, but then left the site to sleep in a private house (this might also be a hotel room). this option allowed introverted me to feel less chained to the site.  i tend to need more alone-time in the morning, so it also allowed me to delay socializing by having my coffee, thinking and morning meditation, then arriving on site shortly before workshops began.

the price i paid for this option was that i missed out on some of the (intoverted-preferred, more intimate) conversations and connections that tend to happen around the retreat site/house at night and in the early mornings. and i really did miss that.

consider how travel options might affect your introversion
the ideal travel situation for my introversion is to drive, by myself, to and from the retreat.  this solitary time gives me plenty of introverted downtime to store energy for the upcoming retreat and to restore energy after the retreat. another option is driving partway by myself and picking up a fellow retreat participant on the way.

flying is another common option for transportation  let's consider how flying generally affects introverts.  even though there are a lot of people in airports and on the plane, there is little social requirement to interact so introverts tend to be okay with flying.  however, you are always taking the chance of being seated (captured) next to someone who needs to talk to you throughout the flight.  when i don't want to talk, i put my earbuds in (before i enter the airport) even if they are not connected to my devise.  this gives most people the subtle cue that i am not open to conversation right now.  hint:  i do this while shopping as well.

if your anxiety increases with flying, consider that we tend to cling to our preferences (introversion or extraversion) under stressful situations.  remember, this is our comfort zone, so it's our automatic happy place.  if you are stressed or anxious for other reasons, your introversion may be exaggerated and interaction may seem more depleting than usual.  we become even more introverted and extraverts become even more extraverted.  carl jung called this phenomenon being "in the grip" of our personality; it happens with the other domains of our personality as well (the other myers-briggs letters).

get a job
where do you find introverts at a party?  in the kitchen.  introverts love to have a little job during social events.  kitchen jobs and other opportunities to help the host give us a break from the responsibility of group interaction.  there may be an opportunity for volunteering or even work-study at gatherings. ask your organizer.

make preparations for your return
before the retreat is the time to think about re-entry (that weird hard time between retreat life and real life).  once you've selected the prefect retreat for you, remember you are going to need time and space to recover energy after the retreat.  this is especially important for introverts.

part four of this guide will focus exclusively on re-entry.  but at this point, when we are choosing the retreat, we need to consider location and dates and our own schedule and real-life responsibilities and give ourselves some buffer time here.

part three will cover how we can care for ourselves during the creative gathering.  it will be up in a week or so.

creative gatherings: a guide for introverts

it took a bit of courage, borne of sheer desperation to be in the company of artists, for me to attend my first art retreat in 2009 (i went to learn from this beautiful soul specifically, and ended up connecting with and learning from so many more).

i am an introvert.  and i hadn't been in a large group setting such as this since the notorious girl scout camping incident of 1975 which ended with introverted and depleted me, hiding, completely zipped up in my sleeping bag, being "danced" on by fifteen vivacious, (probably) extraverted 11-year-old girls.

large groups are not the preferred social setting for introverts.  but creative retreats, those days-long immersions into art, fun, friendship and relaxation in amazing locales, tempt and toy with our solitary inclinations.  i know well the challenges of going and being there.  i know that some miss out on the experience to avoid these challenges.  with a little awareness and planning and a heap of self-care, introverts can and should flourish at creative retreats.  i hope this guide is helpful for you.  i hope to meet you soon, in person, with your camera or your words or up to your elbows in a rainbow of paints, glowing the glow only you can bring to creative community.

part one:  understanding introversion

i imagine that if you are reading this, you are an introvert.  i hope that a few of you are extraverts; a future section of the guide will include tips for our extraverted kindred and how they can create and play together with introverts at gatherings.

the definitions of introversion and extraversion i use in the guide are based on the myers-briggs type indicator (mbti), which is grounded in carl jung's classic and brilliant work on human personality (and why i spell "extraversion" with an a, instead of an o).  the mbti, when processed mindfully, is such an amazing template for self-awareness.

you may also define yourself as an introvert or an extravert based on our popular cultural understanding of the terms and that may or may not fit into the jungian definitions.  so that we all start on the same page, let's begin with some foundational descriptions of introversion and extraversion.

in the jungian paradigm, the dichotomy of introversion--extraversion describes how we glean and direct our energy and attention.  it's not about being shy or outgoing; a loner or a party girl (although these attributes may be present with both introverts and extraverts).  humans can and do behave in both introverted and extraverted ways, just not with equal levels of comfort.  in the same way we are capable of using both our right and left hands, we have a natural-born preference for one or the other.

jung believed that we are born with and do not change our preference over time.  as we develop throughout our lifetimes, our awareness of who we are increases, we can become more adept at using the opposite preference in our lives, flowing and flourishing outside of our comfort zones.

people are often surprised to learn that i am an introvert because i publicly behave in extraverted ways.  for the most part, i am confident and relaxed in social situations.  public speaking is a primary responsibility of my job. introversion and extraversion are about how we navigate groups of people, company, conversations, relationships, human interactions, but even more about how we recover from those interactions.  extraverts are energetically fed by outward interaction; introverts are energetically depleted by those same interactions and must recover with quiet, solitary space and time for reflection.  after a week of teaching, i have to hibernate.  an extravert with the same job might happily continue socializing through the weekend.

here are a few more general distinctions:

introverts are naturally focused on the inner world of ideas and images.
extraverts are naturally focused on the outer world of people and things.

introverts need space and silence to re-energize their bodies and minds.
extraverts need human interaction to re-energize their bodies and minds.

introverts prefer to interact with people they know.
extraverts prefer to interact with all people, strangers included.

introverts prefer fewer, more intense/intimate relationships.
extraverts prefer many, less intense/intimate relationships.

introverts tend to dislike and avoid small-talk.
extraverts adeptly use the art of brief conversation in an effort to connect with as many people as possible.

introverts like meaningful and intimate one-on-one conversations; depth of relationship.
extraverts like to (and can) work a crowd; breadth of relationship.

introverts need time to gather their thoughts before speaking and prefer to know you before self-disclosing.  they can be hard to know.
extraverts are naturally friendly and often verbally skilled; talking is a way they process their thoughts.  they are easy to get to know.

in the absence of understanding, introverts can seem boring, secretive or snobbish to extraverts.
in the absence of understanding, extraverts can seem shallow, intrusive or attention-seeking to introverts.

still an introvert?  excellent.  introverts are so awesome.

to thrive creatively and in community with other creatives, we start here:

• we must develop an understanding of our true types.  do you really prefer introversion?  is there a possibility that you may truly be an extravert who was "mislabeled" due to shyness or social discomfort?  
• understanding that introversion--extraversion is just one dimension of our unique personalities. there are other jungian/mbti factors to consider that impact how we express our introversion. we'll touch on this a bit in later posts.
• no type is better or worse than the other.
• we have to understand and embrace our type.  we can't become another type.  we can (and must) move outside of our comfort zones and practice other type expressions to be a fully expressed human and operate harmoniously with the rest of humanity.
• introverts have to know and apply their own individual needed level of self-care.
• introverts must become adept at creating their own emotional and energetic boundaries.  we live in an extraverted world and no one is able to do this but ourselves.

in the next post in the series we'll take a look at different types of creative retreats and learn how doing some research and planning before we retreat can set the scene for an amazing retreat experience.  look for part two in a week or so.

if you are interested in knowing your full myers-briggs personality type, i recommend you work with a trained and certified guide.  the free internet quizes don't provide the level of understanding required to find your true type or explore the complexities of human personality, or guarantee you are taking the actual and full instrument.  there is an official online option here; just remember it is ideal to work with a facilitator in order to discover your true type.  sometimes, the only option we have is to do the mbti in our "day job" setting.  the corporate energy/setting may pose some nuanced complications for you.  this is why i am creating myers-briggs for artists.

my friend and extraordinary coach meg worden has an amazing offering that may be just the thing your introverted self needs to softly float through the upcoming weeks:  surviving the holidays with gravy and grace:  for introverts, martyrs + nerds.  

(image captured at 2013 creative joy retreat.)

serendipity {№3}

last week i spent a few days on the beautiful outer banks of north carolina and attended my third art retreat there. this was a year i expected to go without the space and grace of a creative kindred gathering, but the stars aligned and a few of my work classes were cancelled during the week of serendipity.  i couldn't attend the full time of the retreat, but i fully lived two days of love and creativity and stayed offsite in a lovely and peaceful home.*

i spent one day writing in a circle led by two remarkable women, amy and maya, the founders of food for the soul train.  the writing exercises were powerful and we all brought our courage and love when it was time to share our words.  i loved that the deep intensity of the writing was lightened by humor woven throughout, an egg-in-spoon relay race on the lawn, writing in the sand and making tiny books, maya-and-amy-style.

my second day was spent soaking up the goodness of artist alena hennessy.  the way alena welcomed us and created a warm and gentle space was so lovely and inspiring.  when i attended my very first art retreat in 2009, the painting class i signed up for was the scariest thing on my schedule.  five years later, thanks to many talented and gracious teachers, painting is where i feel most myself.

as always, words seem a bit hollow when trying to describe retreat time.  so i will let photographs tell the story.

some serendipity loveliness:

amy and maya.

my wind-whipped dress finishing my sand sentence for me.

letting the ocean take the words.

making tiny books.

brilliant songbird chelsea making her tiny book.

a prayer.

these words, spoken by maya.

these colors.

beautiful, soulful alena at work.

one of my paintings (photo by alena).

little miracles.

tiny b, serendipitied.

nags head being perfect in october.

a morning mandala meditation that turned into the sacred blue heart of seaglass mary, created with bits from dawn's collection, with the help of a purring muse.

at serendipity if you wander too long on the beach at sunset and the colorful houses start to look the same in the dimming light, you can always find your way back.

listen for the laughter.
look for the twinkle lights.

other moments (of so many) i want to remember:

• creating with lavi, sharing space with her in both classes.
• the time in painting class when we were all absorbed in our own work, the ocean roaring outside the doors, and we spontaneously began singing along to mumford and son.
• holly's radiant face beneath her woodland crown.  
• chelsea's song about her parents' marriage.
• the vibrant orange butterfly that just appeared over stevie's head while she was talking about transformation.
• jen lee and tim manley and the art of friendship.
• the relatively sedate atlantic ocean, behaving like my wild pacific.
• jessica.  we connected briefly at serendipity 2011, had a facebook friendship for three years and it was like we completely knew each other, like we've been friends for years.  i love it when that happens.
• that this is what happens in this far flung community of kindreds:  we share physical space for brief moments, each year if we are lucky, but once connected, we share heart space forever.

previous outer banks art retreat love here, here, here and here (last two are squam-by-the-sea).



*this was the first time i stayed offsite during a retreat (almost always a registration option) and i noticed how this supported my introverted self even if i still missed some of the togetherness and new-friend-making that comes from staying in the retreat houses.  i'm pulling together a future blog post with some observations and tips for introverts while art retreating.  i know the large-groupness of it all can be a challenge and that some introverts might avoid the experience altogether, which is truly a loss for all of us.

creative joy

last week i journeyed to new york's breathtaking hudson valley to attend the creative joy retreat.  it was four luscious days filled with love, yoga, play, writing, photography, laughter, rest, tea, dance and stories.

i cannot conjure sufficient adjectives to give written justice to the october beauty of this space.  our retreat was held at the garrison institute, an old monastery made of stone and stained glass and a thousand seeking souls that now holds programs of contemplative practice. the grounds are expansive and include woods, trails, a garden, a labyrinth, bamboo groves and an opportunity at every turn to be one with your thoughts.

the beautiful jane lafazio, filling up her sketchbook.

tiny blooming miracles:  flowers in late october.

practicing being fully present and attuned to the beauty inside and out, asking myself the question, "what do you want?" and acting on the answer without apology or explanation...these are the things that filled my days.

these two bright spirits are half of team aliveness, our small group in which we practiced witnessing, not fixing.

A is for awesome.  and aliveness.  and awareness.  and answers.

giving fears, negativity, criticism, etc. to the minion to hold is one of many little practices i'm bringing home with me.

i find myself struggling to find the words to describe the experience.  i believe it's because i allowed myself to be fully present and truly experience the retreat and the kindreds who gathered.  i did not feel the need to document (either with camera or pen) every single minute with an eye toward blogging about it.

also several of my experiences were just simply beyond description.

thank you thank you beautiful brilliant women of creative joy.

thank you jen louden, marianne elliott and tracey clark for bringing us together and creating a program so deeply meaningful, fun and unexpected.