sunday grace

i dream a lot about flying, flying like a bird and metaphorically flying (accomplishment).

it's often the steps that are required to take flight that keep me grounded.

this poem reminds me to keep trying, be patient, do the work.

trauma-informed yoga

{ahimsa}

some friends have asked me, "what exactly is trauma-informed yoga?"  this conversation is so important, so i thought i would write about it here.

the answer is complex.  so complex that i had to edit down this post because the original was a mile long and i still hadn't begun to capture the breadth and depth of the topic.  i whittled it down to a few fundamentals that are critical when offering trauma-informed yoga.

trauma occurs when our ability to cope is overwhelmed.  trauma exists across a spectrum and is defined by how events are experienced and internalized, rather than by the event itself.  this means that anything could be experienced as a trauma.  when something overwhelms our ability to cope, our nervous system provides the cues to the physical body to mount a response to the danger--fight, flight, or freeze.  when our system restores to a sense of safety (regulation) after the threat has ended, trauma can be experienced without long-term or debilitating effects.  it is when our nervous system does not return to a sense of safety and we are unable to return to a place of healthy regulation that we remain stuck in survival response even though the actual threat no longer exists.

the practice of yoga is uniquely suited to people who have experienced trauma, allowing them to experience safety and learn and practice very effective self-regulation techniques. yoga brings our awareness to what is happening in the body (over and over again),  this act of focusing on sensation grounds our experience in the here and now, rather than the past.  when we practice regulating the body in this present state using sensation, grounding, orientation, breath and other resources, the door is opened for our brains to step out of the stuckness and construct more hopeful possibilities in the face of perceived threat.  this is the process of cultivating resilience.

ahimsa, the first yama in the yogi's ethical code, means non-violence or do no harm.  first and foremost, we have the obligation to ensure that we are not causing harm, triggering, or in any way re-traumatizing yoga students (to the best of our ability).  with trauma, this can be tricky.  we start by not taking this responsibility lightly.

some things to consider about offering trauma-informed yoga:

• understanding the complexity of trauma is key.  i wholeheartedly support that each and every yoga teacher know the basics of trauma and the many ways it can show up in a class.  however, i worry about oversimplification and that the concept is becoming a bit of a flavor-of-the-month in the yoga world.  we must ensure our behavior remains true to its original intention to be of service.

• there is a difference between a yoga teacher being informed about trauma and taking measures to promote emotional safety in a general studio class and a yoga class or program that is held specifically for a known traumatized or marginalized population.  a good rule is that the teacher's experience with and knowledge of trauma is congruent with the known level of trauma in the room.

• when working with trauma, a high level of self-awareness is critical.  we have to know our own privilege, tendencies, blindspots and triggers.  a behavior, personality trait, words or teaching approach we have and use could unintentionally cause harm to someone with trauma.   unfortunately, so many people are operating from a place of unconsciousness and have no idea how they harm or trigger.  yes, even yogis.

• we must know and manage our own trauma histories.  there are not that many humans in the world (if any) who are have not experienced trauma to one degree or another.  if you are operating from a place of unaddressed trauma, you are unlikely to adequately gauge when you are doing harm. 

• when a student has experienced trauma, they are also not likely to adequately gauge when harm is being done to them or when things are dangerous.  this is one of the explanations for re-victimization. this makes the ethical obligation of the trauma-informed yoga teacher even more imperative.

• consider your preparation to be trauma-informed.  there is an abundance of fantastic information about trauma-informed yoga.  self-study and online courses with reliable professionals are appropriate for trauma-informed teachers of general studio classes, however, due to its complexity, trauma isn't really a topic you can unpack and understand in a few sessions.

• there are more in-depth, lengthy and in-person programs for those who teach classes and programs intentionally designed for students with trauma.  other professional experience working with trauma (i.e. as a therapist, social worker, first responder, etc.) is sensible here too.  

• we must check our motivation to teach trauma-informed yoga.  we are motivated to be of service, to create and maintain emotional safety for others, to offer effective tools for self-regulation and embodiment.  we don't teach trauma-informed yoga to be heroes or because it feels important or we're working out our own shit or because all the popular yoga teachers are doing it.  

teaching trauma-informed yoga or being a part of a class or program intended to teach yoga as a resource for cultivating resilience is a tremendous gift and a huge responsibility.  it is not for everyone.  each of us has our own unique gifts and areas where we can best be of service.   

trauma-informed yoga is a never-ending journey of study, reflection, self-awareness, empathy, presence and selflessness.  it feels so big to me and i worry when i see or hear about others treating it so casually.  titration is intentionally used in the practice of trauma-informed yoga and the same cautious, deliberate and gradual exploration approach should be mirrored in the preparation to teach it.  

follow along as i continue to grow soul studio in an intentional, meaningful way.  we will be providing trauma-informed yoga and trauma-informed expressive arts and writing programs soon.  

sunday grace: grounded and oriented

orient.  10"x10" acrylic, ink, paper, pencil on wood.

i'm studying how to teach trauma-informed yoga and the material is rocking me to the core.

so many times here, i start to write that i can't wait to begin teaching yoga and art to teenage girls, but that is not true.  i can wait.  because the material is complex and important.  the girls are complex and important.  it's going to take some time to process and integrate and practice.  i want to offer something authentic and meaningful.

for so many people, feeling safe in the body doesn't come naturally.  it requires consciously becoming grounded, orienting to the space, and cultivating resources for emotional safety.  one of the many cues i learned for orienting that really resonated with me is, "look around the room and find four blue things."  i practice this myself when i am overwhelmed or frustrated or feel sad and to start my yoga practice.  it's simple and effective.

i woke up this morning wanting to create a piece inspired by four blue things.  because, you know, i process in color. i love that the abstract shape in the center unintentionally formed into a compass.  it also resembles my favorite yoga posture, ardha chandrasana, balancing fear, strength, lightness and beauty.

these things are my grace today:  learning, orienting, seeing the path more clearly, patience.

four things that just might be blue.

sunday grace: these four unlikely friends

{clockwise from top left:  the artist, frida kahlo; the mystic, anandamayi ma; the activist, angela davis,

and the believer, anne frank.  acrylic paint and image transfer on wood.}

yesterday i completed the fourth piece in an ongoing series of mixed-media work dedicated to my own personal archetypes.  i began a month ago just wanting to pay homage to frida kahlo after i daydreamed about us being friends and the kinds of things we would do together and talk about.  how would she listen to me?  what wisdom would she impart?  how could i make her proud?  i realized pretty quickly that i was actually exploring my archetypes, those women who hold particular resonance for me and who are the ideal personifications of qualities i wish to cultivate and maintain in my self and life.

i allowed the selection of the friends and the creative process to be informed by a current mood, need or memory.  i love the unlikely and powerful gang of heroes that emerged and who comprise the first four. even though they lived in different times and are of different cultures and have such a diverse treasure box of gifts, they all share a courageous and dreamy spirit with which i deeply connect.

. . . . .

i met my husband ken while we were both acting in the play the diary of anne frank.  the play was being produced in my hometown in california and the proceeds were dedicated to the agency i worked for at the time, to create a secure and confidential park where children in foster care could visit outdoors with their biological parents.  as both an actor in the play and a social worker at the agency, i was asked to give a speech at the ribbon-cutting ceremony.

i remember writing and speaking about the commonalities among children, the things that both the foster children and anne frank shared:  resilience, a connection to their parents no matter what, and a deep love of the freedom and light of the outdoors.  anne wrote in her diary, "the best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside."  it moved me deeply that we were building this space where children and their families could share time outside when that was the very thing that anne longed for while she was hidden in the annex.

i intentionally let her sit and write and smile in the open glorious outdoors in this piece.

friends, i am loving doing this series.  the physical time spent with the paint, photographs, scissors and glue gives space and time for me to ponder my own embodiment of the qualities of these extraordinary women.  i encourage you to spend time thinking about the remarkable humans who inform your life.

sunday grace

moments of grace this week:

• this wee patch of wildflowers at sunset, its beauty magnified by the fact that it is bordered by a busy highway to the east, a no-nonsense holiday inn to the south, applebee's to the north, a large government complex to the west.  it quietly stood its ground and whispered, "i'm still magnificent nature, even here in this bland chaos.  p.s. you too."

• my meditation practice that saved me on a whirlwind tour of the state working closely with the most extroverted and energetic person i know.  

• a mama raccoon and her two wee babes in a hollow tree behind the house.

• homemade aqua de horchata over shaved ice in a newly-discovered hole-in-the-wall mexican joint in the middle of nowhere.

• checking out the class schedule on the front window of a yoga studio, glancing inside to see a class in progress and a mother doing mommy-and-me yoga with two brand new babies, one lovingly held in each hand.

• participating in two amazing yoga teacher trainings at the same time, one for yoga inclusivity and the other to teach trauma-informed yoga to youth in high-risk or marginalized settings.

• reading poetry, perched on the edge of the blue ridge mountains.

• receiving sas' my mindful year email for may.  this month's focus is cultivating mindful friendships.  these words:  "telling myself the truth is the foundation for every connection in my life." (you can sign up to receive the monthly emails here.) 

• creating six little motivational notes for a fifth-grader as she breezes through her end-of-year tests this week.
  
  what were your moments?

sunday grace: imaginary friends

imaginary friend {№4}:  the artist.  mixed media and image transfer on wood.  photo by leo matiz.

hello loves.

i'm deep into exploring my own personal archetypes over here.  i tend to think of them not in the traditional sense, but as muses:  badass gentle spirits whose lives, hearts and minds guide my own and spark curiosity and inspiration just when needed.

i like to call them my imaginary friends.

meet my artist friend, frida.

when we are lying around on the grass in the bright sunshine, exhausted after hours of talking and laughing, here are the things she whispers to me:

• color is everything.
• passion is everything.
• justice is everything.
• don't ever stop painting.
• people will let you down, don't stop loving them.
• animals will never let you down.
• see it and say it.
• be weird like me.
• find other weird ones.
• being a misfit is the most glorious gift.
• visit the wilderness often.
• visit the city often.
• be well-read and never stop cultivating your intelligence.
• be comfortable with silence and aloneness.
• you must tend a garden and a home, they are the beautiful containers of your life.
• scream when you need to scream.
• dance when you need to dance.
• paint.
• paint.
• paint.

(my spring|summer art project is to create a series of paintings of my imaginary friends.  i can't wait for you to meet them.)