sunday grace: the grace of making

i don't pretend to know the solutions for our world.  but i do know the solution for my little world when things seem to be falling apart on a larger scale:  when there is destruction, create.

needless to say my maker hands have been very active over the last few days.  it seems when they are not making something, they are pressed together in prayer or resting in calm abiding during meditation.

creating is the opposite of destruction.  it has such healing magic on both an individual and collective level.  the act of creating soothes the soul and provides contribution when you feel immobilized and hopeless.  it can be an antidote for collective despair.

some of my makes from the last few days and weeks:

this giant wood panel (that my beautiful husband made for me) is just being played on right now.  i'm writing little bits of understory as i continue to layer with colors.

a few weeks ago, i decided i needed to do something with the beads i have been hoarding for years.  i learned to make crochet beaded necklaces from a video tutorial.  it's kind of addictive, that repetitive productive process.

i want to make handmade gifts for my loves this christmas.  i sketched out a ganesh to print on fabric for a sachet filled with comforting lush fragrance.

when i was stuck pondering how to simplify the sewing of the sachet, i remembered that i had sketched and watercolored a ganesh a few months back that would be a simpler circular shape.  so it is.

still experimenting with natural fillers, but it's kind of awesome.

i met a friend downtown for a few healing hours of catching up over hot spiced cider and tea.  i was overjoyed to see good karma tea in the shop.  it's so lovely (and a little weird) to see your art (i designed the logo) in the world.

i'm taking some baby steps (because honestly, i think they are the only steps i know how to take) in figuring out how to share my making with the world.  one step was ordering a set of contact cards (yes, contact cards, because i have a strong avoidant reaction to the word business and everything associated with it, so i'm using my own language around sharing my work).

while i was mixing scents for the ganesh sachets, i explored capturing the scents i love around our home.  i have said so many times, "i wish i could bottle that smell".  so i did.  this fragrance oil is everything i love about here:  woods (cedars, juniper), comfort (coffee, cocoa, chai) and spirit (nag champa).  i had such an amazing time making it that i am working on sharing it.  because i need my entire world to smell like comfort and safety right now.

i kind of caught the scentmaking bug, i'm currently working on a holiday scent called soulstice fire.

i hope you find yourself with some time and space to create something lovely today.  our world needs your individual gracemaking.  thank you for making art, friends, peace, healthy children, soup, tea and conversation flavored with empathy and compassion.  thank you for weaving together textile and community and asana and story.  thank you for creating our beautiful world.

i love you.

wellness reminder at the kitchen window

"i shall recognize all disease as the result of my transgressions against health laws and i shall try to undo the evil by right eating, by less eating, by fasting, by more exercise, and by right thinking."
- paramahansa yogananda

the road ahead

i'm gearing up to hit the road again next week.  in fact, for the next fifteen weeks, i'm travelling all but two.  i'll cross the commonwealth west to east and north to south, with weekends at home.  i'm still loving this gypsy aspect of my new job and i hope to become a better traveler because of it.  unexpected stuff happens when you travel and you don't have your regular arsenal of coping props nearby, like dogs to play with and baths to lounge in (hotel baths=ew).  i am not a huge fan of unexpected stuff.  my tendency is to over-prepare and control.  i'm slowly learning to let up on the control, be present and lean in to whatever is happening.

still, it's nice when obstacles are minimal.  ganesh has my back; he is the hindu remover of obstacles.  i am not hindu, but ganesh has a generous elephant spirit and extends his protection to all who ask.

gratitude: week four

on the day after thanksgiving, instead of indulging in black friday, we went to yogaville.

the last time we visited, i was in the midst of making the decision whether or not to leave my job and radically change my life.  yogaville provided the space and stillness to give me some clarity on the issue.

i am so very grateful for this open, loving, spiritual place that is quite unexpected in rural virginia.  being here instantly brings the familiar sense of groundedness that i've been blessed enough to experience in other beautiful places.

i am grateful for the sacred spaces i have known.

(photos taken friday at yogaville.)

i am grateful for the pacific ocean.  her name masks her fierceness and power.  i like that.

i am grateful for the tidepools she leaves behind.  she taught me that you can be bold and raw and honest and still create beauty and gentleness.  i am grateful for all those times i held the hand of my daddy while he told me the stories of the magical little sea worlds that exist in each and every tiny pool.

i am grateful for a home that is safe and warm and happy and peaceful.   living here makes me want to be more creative, more joyful, more loving.

i am grateful for my childhood home that i miss often and dream about with a sense of nostalgia and history and love and belonging.

i am grateful for forests and woods and mountains.  and for trails that help me be brave.

i am grateful for the 24"x72" yoga mat that i can roll out anywhere and transform my body, my mind, my spirit, my day, my life.

i am grateful for the places i have not yet been and who whisper to me that there is something for me to learn there.

my most favorite completely accidental self-portrait ever:  protection, wisdom, guidance, beginnings (all these ganesh gifts)...are within.

i am grateful for the practice of choosing which space to inhabit (i.e. yogaville over target) on any given day.  i am grateful for having those options.

i am grateful for learning (still learning, still practicing) that any space (even target) can be peaceful and transformed by awareness and appreciation of its unique beauty and stories.

allowing help

i have no problem privately asking for guidance from spiritual (i.e. imaginary) beings.  i pray to my childhood jesus.  a dashboard ganesh removes obstacles and danger from my commute.  i softly touch the foot of the giant brass ganesh who sits at the door of my favorite indian restuarant.  a sweet angel sits in my garden and protects my space.  a tiny buddha stands on my desk to help me remember to stay balanced and flowy.  these are my spiritual guardians, my little helpers, and they quietly remind me throughout my days and nights that i am being watched over and supported.

asking for support and help in the real world and from real people is not so easy for me.

since i so often fancy myself in the role of helper-protector-advisor and not one to be helped, protected or advised, it's difficult for me to admit when need help and guidance and support.  i struggle to not view that as a less-than position.  one of the biggest challenges for me in bikram yoga has been to stay in the role of student, listener, obeyer, truster. 

one of my goals for the year (ahem, for my life) is to learn to ask for and accept help without shame or embarrassment.  typically, i am a do-it-myself kinda girl and can be a bit of a smarty pants.  i remember a time in my childhood when my only sense of worth came from knowing the answer and doing it first, right and best.  and as i typed that sentence, it occured to me that this may still be partially true.

asking for and accepting help is akin to admitting i can't do it alone.

the reality is that there are certain areas of my life where i need help.  i get bogged down in resistance and defiance, i emotionally overeat, i make other unhealthy choices when i am tired, excited, bored, pissed off.  i tend toward isolation.  i blur the concept of acceptance with giving up and becoming unconscious. 

so i finally made the decision, took the leap and hired a wellness coach. 

it's going to be a big challenge for me to stay true to my goal; to remain open and curious and committed to change.  to trust the process and the relationship.  it took me a while to find someone i wanted to work with.  i'm happy with my choice, if not a wee bit nervous. 

what about you?  have you ever worked with a coach? 

i'll keep you posted on my progress.  for the time being, i'm making some space to allow help to come and to be at peace on the other side of the helping relationship.

obstacles be gone, so said the jolly elephant

this particular elephant/human/deity sits by the cash register at the only indian restaurant in town. once I finish my kheer and chai, I can never resist touching the bottom of his foot while waiting to pay. every single time, my hand is drawn to the flower etched on the sole of his foot. the brass is sturdy, cool and smooth and the touch is oddly comforting. my fingers can't help but trace the design and I feel a blush when others notice how I fondle the gentle foot.

yesterday, I snapped his photo. which led me to do some quick research on him. ganesha: hindu lord of beginnings, remover of obstacles.

I knew I loved him for a reason.