Sunday, January 8, 2012

allowing help

i have no problem privately asking for guidance from spiritual (i.e. imaginary) beings.  i pray to my childhood jesus.  a dashboard ganesh removes obstacles and danger from my commute.  i softly touch the foot of the giant brass ganesh who sits at the door of my favorite indian restuarant.  a sweet angel sits in my garden and protects my space.  a tiny buddha stands on my desk to help me remember to stay balanced and flowy.  these are my spiritual guardians, my little helpers, and they quietly remind me throughout my days and nights that i am being watched over and supported.

asking for support and help in the real world and from real people is not so easy for me.

since i so often fancy myself in the role of helper-protector-advisor and not one to be helped, protected or advised, it's difficult for me to admit when need help and guidance and support.  i struggle to not view that as a less-than position.  one of the biggest challenges for me in bikram yoga has been to stay in the role of student, listener, obeyer, truster. 

one of my goals for the year (ahem, for my life) is to learn to ask for and accept help without shame or embarrassment.  typically, i am a do-it-myself kinda girl and can be a bit of a smarty pants.  i remember a time in my childhood when my only sense of worth came from knowing the answer and doing it first, right and best.  and as i typed that sentence, it occured to me that this may still be partially true.

asking for and accepting help is akin to admitting i can't do it alone.

the reality is that there are certain areas of my life where i need help.  i get bogged down in resistance and defiance, i emotionally overeat, i make other unhealthy choices when i am tired, excited, bored, pissed off.  i tend toward isolation.  i blur the concept of acceptance with giving up and becoming unconscious. 

so i finally made the decision, took the leap and hired a wellness coach. 

it's going to be a big challenge for me to stay true to my goal; to remain open and curious and committed to change.  to trust the process and the relationship.  it took me a while to find someone i wanted to work with.  i'm happy with my choice, if not a wee bit nervous. 

what about you?  have you ever worked with a coach? 

i'll keep you posted on my progress.  for the time being, i'm making some space to allow help to come and to be at peace on the other side of the helping relationship.