Friday, April 4, 2008

cheeky girl

april's self portrait challenge is "absurd".

this one was difficult for me (and I'm not sure I've nailed it yet). absurdity doesn't seem to stand out to me, possibly because it's a big part of who I am and what I embrace. I love things that don't make sense, that are quirky and whimsical. I think quite a few people can easily find some absurdity in me and my life. and that's okay with me. when I was moving east from california, a friend was curious if I was concerned that easterners would find me weird because I was from california. then she said (with love), "I mean, you're weird here."

truly absurd was the time when I longed to be traditional, normal, safe, quiet. when I wanted to curl up with sameness and mediocrity, that place where no one ever wonders, "what's up with her?" I longed to be rid of baby apple cheeks set aglow by a silly grin and giggles that I couldn't seem to control. I wanted a mind that didn't distract me from the business of life with random questions like, "who made the rule that you can't wear bloomers after age 4?" and "what does Chewbacca carry in his purse?" and "what was the blond guy's name on Scooby-Doo?"

absurd was the time in my life when I had scars from biting the insides of my cheeks to keep from smiling at everything. I wanted to be sullen, colorless, invisible.

I'm not sure when I grew out of that; it happened gradually and naturally. I finally figured out that I can live near the fringe and still be accepted and loved in the real world (even in the east!). I like being the cheeky, smiling, laughing girl. I like being weird.