stripped

in this moment you are divested of the pretty facade that buoyantly carries you through your world.  the fancy frock you wore to the party is stained and has fallen to the ground.  your engaging smile, witty repartee, brilliant answers, ambition and drive and dance moves all jumped the last train to the coast.

and you, in this moment, are still so beautiful.

don't forget

thoughts on growing up

the original title for this post was "thoughts on growing older".  i don't know what it says about me that i couldn't bring myself to use that title, but there you go.  at half-way through my 45th year, i still feel (and often act) like a kid. denial is buffering me like a big ol' fluffy feather comforter. 

but i've been forced to shift a bit in the past twelve months.  who knew that your body and mind keep moving ahead while your happy little soul frolics blindly in the land of youth?

here's what i've learned so far:

beware the doomsayers.  yes, dr. n., i am talking to you.  any book or website or show that makes you think just kill me now should be avoided at all costs.  i found that the human development theories are much kinder to the human race when it comes to aging.  

nostaligia is one of the sweetest emotions out there.  you are officially entitled to more of it.

move blocks of your investment portfolio to funky eyewear companies.

explore the idea of the archetype.  this book introduces several:  the lover, the artist, the adventurer, the seeker.  so much better than (gasp!) the crone.  i want to be all of them.  except the crone.

strangely, it becomes easier to take care of your body than when you were 23.  health is everything.

procrastination is a thing of the past.  go on and do it.  now.

it's time to deal with your demons.  and it's really not so bad.  you will win.  watch this dvd. 

smile, you're fabulous.

p.s.  one more thing i love about being 45:  you don't have to pretend to like things like lady gaga just because everybody else does for some reason you totally don't get.

starting at the bottom

I better get moving on that list of mine. there are 44 things to accomplish, and they are not all things that can be done easily or quickly. let's start with 44. lighten up.

I have actually put quite a bit of effort into this over the past year. the blog you are reading is a manifestation of this desire. but I have a way to go. I still need to consciously remind myself to lighten up when things are bleak, heavy, too serious for any one's good. the tightly-wound bundle of nerves I was a year ago has loosened and my life and work are filled with a good measure of levity; however, there is still work to be done. lighten up has a permanent place on my list.

and I have subcategories. (while I realize that having subcategories is not at all in the spirit of lighten up, it just makes it easier for me to focus.) I would like light and grace and radiance and luminosity to permeate my spirit, my body, my movement, my art. and I want to do all this while still being me (energetic, dynamic, somewhat loud, assertive). ok, so I'm aware that now #44 is basically contradicting itself because to do all this will take serious effort and intensity. see how that works? I went from lightness to intensity in the course of one paragraph.

so I'm going to take a bit of the advice I would give a client faced with an overwhelming task: break it down into small actions and work them with regularity.

sundays provide me a buffer zone, a space to recharge, regroup, let go and refocus. since I don't attend a religious or spiritual service, I will spend some time and energy each sunday to develop two or three actions I can practice throughout the week to infuse some lightness.

this week I am challenging myself to capture lightness with my camera; to move away from bold for one moment and see grace and tenderness.

and...

in a complete moment of utter kismet, yesterday I wandered upon the blog of karen maezen miller (thanks christy, for having her on your sidebar). zen has always been a challenge for me. after reading a bit, I decided to suspend judgement and be open to hearing a different message (hooray! I did zen!...see how I'm all about the accomplishment? so not zen.). I will check in with karen a few times this week.

and...

I really have continued to eat like it's thanksgiving every day since thanksgiving. I feel heavy and sluggish. nourishing, healthy and moderate meals will make their return this week, along with a few walks and some yoga.

thank you all for allowing me this space to ponder, explore, commit, fail and move forward.

permission to shine

"and as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

-marianne williamson

shine #3, august self portrait challenge shines on

beauty + hope

my sleepy little burg has been tagged by a you-are-beautiful messenger. I am lucky to see this reminder on the walk to my car after work...perfect location.

speaking of beauty...my dear friend Hope is running for a cure for Leukemia and Lymphoma in honor of her mentor, who was recently diagnosed. if you would like to spread some love, beauty and hope, please visit her fundraising page and share what you can.

hope, you are beautiful. I love you.