Sunday, December 14, 2008

starting at the bottom

I better get moving on that list of mine. there are 44 things to accomplish, and they are not all things that can be done easily or quickly. let's start with 44. lighten up.

I have actually put quite a bit of effort into this over the past year. the blog you are reading is a manifestation of this desire. but I have a way to go. I still need to consciously remind myself to lighten up when things are bleak, heavy, too serious for any one's good. the tightly-wound bundle of nerves I was a year ago has loosened and my life and work are filled with a good measure of levity; however, there is still work to be done. lighten up has a permanent place on my list.

and I have subcategories. (while I realize that having subcategories is not at all in the spirit of lighten up, it just makes it easier for me to focus.) I would like light and grace and radiance and luminosity to permeate my spirit, my body, my movement, my art. and I want to do all this while still being me (energetic, dynamic, somewhat loud, assertive). ok, so I'm aware that now #44 is basically contradicting itself because to do all this will take serious effort and intensity. see how that works? I went from lightness to intensity in the course of one paragraph.

so I'm going to take a bit of the advice I would give a client faced with an overwhelming task: break it down into small actions and work them with regularity.

sundays provide me a buffer zone, a space to recharge, regroup, let go and refocus. since I don't attend a religious or spiritual service, I will spend some time and energy each sunday to develop two or three actions I can practice throughout the week to infuse some lightness.

this week I am challenging myself to capture lightness with my camera; to move away from bold for one moment and see grace and tenderness.


in a complete moment of utter kismet, yesterday I wandered upon the blog of karen maezen miller (thanks christy, for having her on your sidebar). zen has always been a challenge for me. after reading a bit, I decided to suspend judgement and be open to hearing a different message (hooray! I did zen!...see how I'm all about the accomplishment? so not zen.). I will check in with karen a few times this week.


I really have continued to eat like it's thanksgiving every day since thanksgiving. I feel heavy and sluggish. nourishing, healthy and moderate meals will make their return this week, along with a few walks and some yoga.

thank you all for allowing me this space to ponder, explore, commit, fail and move forward.