Saturday, December 20, 2008


if I were to surrender, it would be with these colorful streamers, not a plain white flag.

if I were to surrender.

this week two lovely souls have me thinking about holding on and letting go.

rachel at blue algae creative is looking at our tendency to possess beauty. I'm still pondering my slant here. I am such a hoarder of things I think are beautiful and am just learning, at the tender age of 44, to openly share these things with others. I am challenged here. greatly challenged. I am like the seagulls in nemo.

kelly speaks of feeling tender. her words, "changed forever by an instance that can never be undone" resonated. what do you do with these kinds of memories? where do you put them? how do you earn forgiveness, redemption, or at the very least, a bit of numbness when they come storming out of nowhere as you lay in bed on a peaceful saturday morning? how do you purge those feelings of deep regret? or can you? do they just become woven into the fabric that is you?

for me these two things go hand in hand. I realize that my desire to possess is my pathetic little effort at making pretty a little piece of me that is not. I don't sit well with ugly. but there it is, refusing to give up the fight.

there can be no lightening up without a bit of surrender.