Sunday, May 31, 2009

I believe in authenticity (I think)

so I've been awake since around 3:30am...thunderstorms booming, dogs acting like fools, me lying there thinking about authenticity and whether or not it's something in which I truly believe. forgive me if this post rambles because I can't seem to get my thoughts structured around this concept. (this confusion is minor compared to the weeks my crazy self has been trying to decide if I actually believe in anything wholeheartedly. the answer, it turns out, is no. except if you want to call believing that everything is relative a belief.)

there is a lot of buzz about authenticity in the wide circle of creative bloggers--mostly addressing the issue of originality and its range from innocent inspiration to outright plagiarism. my interest here is directed more toward the people we are, the roles we play, originality of being. do we actually live true original lives or are we just becoming and pretending day by day?

I am fascinated by who people are, what moves or freezes them, the lineage and history that shape them. actually, I think I may be obsessed with this concept. I've met truly authentic people and can recognize them instantly. but to me, the actual definition of the concept of authenticity may be a wee bit more elusive.

take myself for example. I value being authentic. I recognize when I'm being it, but that is only because I've lived chunks of my life inauthentically. or were those inauthentic bits just part of the history that make me authentically me? (see, we could go round and round here.) I think about the diverse roles I've played in my life, complete with dialect, costumes, supporting casts; who I am now is a composite of those things, the good and the bad, the true and the played.

{I think I need to stop here and take a break. I'm rambling and don't know if I'm making any sense. let's see what bono has to say on the subject.}

once again, I feel I've taken something that really is so simple and overthought it and complicated the hell out of it. clearly there is a need here for me to refine my thoughts. but that's me. give me any topic and I'll turn it over and around and inside out and make it ugly and then make it pretty and then render it useless right before it's determined to be essential for survival.

I may need more time to examine this issue in this space. (examination: there's something I believe in.) I'm interested in your thoughts. I am authentically stuck.