scarcity, abundance and quelling the voracious wants

this week many of my friends will be heading up to the woods of new hampshire to attend squam art workshops.  since first attending this magical gathering in 2009, i have made an annual trip to one of the retreats in new hampshire or the outer banks.  (see some of the magic here, here, here and here.)  i can just feel their anticipation of the hugs, laughter, long talks on the dock, art, ice cream, yoga, music and love. 

i so want to be there.  i even cried a little last night thinking about all that i will miss.

but i made a choice a few months ago that in order to leave my job, some things i enjoy would need to be cut postponed.  (interestingly, the decision to leave my job and my paycheck was based on the fact that it just cost too much, and i consider it to be my first and best mindful decision about value.)  the list of go-withouts is long.  until this last week, it hasn't been that bad and i've considered being frugal graceful with my money a fun challenge, totally doable and even rewarding. 

two things changed that:  the nearness of squam and the freaking deluge of fall catalogs arriving daily in my postbox.  autumn is my favorite time to shop.  i love boots and sweaters and coats and luscious items for my winter nest.  i am in serious want mode.  acquiring these things is evidence that i am not poor.  but this year i will go without.  and i have fallen so far down the scarcity rabbit hole that i feel impoverished, lacking, less than. 

that could not be farther from the truth.  i know that i have an abundant life, that i am rich in spirit and love and beauty.  i know that i don't have to worry about my bills being paid or a roof over my head.  i know i am spoiled.  and i feel entitled to being spoiled because i have known many times in my life when i had to scrounge for seventy-five cents in order to ride the bus to work (sometimes i had to walk) and when i had to feed myself and my child three-for-a-dollar-bean-and-potato burritos for days on end and when i had to carry my sleeping girl and my bookbags a mile from the bus stop to our home in a not-so-safe neighborhood on cold dark nights.  i get poverty.

and i also get that i remain in a poverty mindset.  that just using words like spoiled and entitled indicate a belief that if i am not that (spoiled and entitled), then i am by default impoverished.

i'm working on it, trying to find the middle ground, the balance, the equanimity between scarcity and abundance.  i've increased my awareness of how i waste money on things i don't need and really don't want.  i want it to not be about money, but money and having and acquisition keep coming up as the central themes. 

so today i am working on quelling the voracious wants.  i do this by sitting in the gorgeous sunshine, taking slow deep breaths of precious clean air, feeding myself with truly nourishing foods, reading one of the books in our ridiculously abundant library (of many unread books), using what i already have, loving my family, wishing my friends a truly beautiful time at squam and recognizing how truly lucky i am in this life.

this prosperity series on intuitive bridge is also nourishing me.

i'm interested in how you are graceful with your money and any advice you have on quelling the wants and living an abundant life.

new and improved daily to-dos

1. move
2. nourish
3. breathe
4. clear
5. learn
6. create
7. love

beautiful buys

lately i've been thinking about indulgence.

i was raised in a very thrifty home.  both of my parents grew up in systems of lack and even though they were both well-salaried professionals, our family's finances were kept strict.  this often left me feel wanting.

once i started making my own money, i splurged on things i wanted.  often to the point of debt.  my indulgences--clothes, shoes, handbags, art, food--pleased me instantaniously.  but the fullness lasted only a short while.  there was always more more more to have.  *having* is very important to me.

i make a decent salary--even though we haven't received a raise in five years due to the economy.  but my job leeches precious energy from my body and my soul and i find myself pondering its worth.  i've secretly been in training the last few months, preparing for work that pays less in money and more in karma and love.  i don't know what that looks like yet.

my training involves making sure my purchases feed me brilliantly and don't end up in the goodwill pile like my impulse buys in the past.

here are some lovely things i bought today:

• one ten-pump soy chai latte ($5)
• gerber daisies ($12)
• a bicycle basket made from wood ($30)
• quinoa polenta ($4)
• one bundle pencil-thin organic asparagus ($2)
• a wee fig tree ($11)
• a vintage bow-and-arrow brooch ($2)

each of these purchases made me smile in sweet fulfillment rather than giddy hunger. the spending feels balanced and calm, not wasteful and impulsive.  i will never be (nor do i desire to be) a coupon-cutting pennysaver, but i've come a long way.  not only do i *have* these beautiful things, i *have* a beautiful sense of abundance and freedom.

2012: the year of abundance and extraordinary things

 
there, i said it.

picnic {№11}

here is a rule i live by:  when it's the last day of december and seventy sunny degrees outside, you must have a picnic.

a new years eve picnic turns out to be an incredibly peaceful and sweet way to end the year.

so i paid homage to my parents' swinging nye parties (also in the seventies) by making classic cheese fondue.  it's super easy to pull together for an inpromtu little feast in the backyard.  a little cheese, a little wine, a dash of grated nutmeg is pretty much it.  for dipping:  sourdough bread, chicken sausage and apples. 

are these not the most beautiful olives you have ever seen?

and of course, some bubbles.  my favorite sparkling wines are sofia blanc de blancs in the wee pink can or a spanish cava.  my market was out of sofia so i went with the cava.  pink.  sipped through a straw.

ken joined me in choosing a word for 2012.  i made little cupcake toppers for the occassion.

him:  balance.  me:  abundance.

one of the issues with having a picnic in our backyard is managing our pack of beasts.  luca, the wire fox terrier, uses the table as his lookout on an everyday basis and kept trying to jump up during our meal.

we finally let him up at the end to take care of the tiny bit of leftover cheese in the pot.  (yes, i know this is why they are beasts.  because they are spoiled and get their way.)

simon is a chubby corgi with really short legs, so he can't jump on the table.  he was happy with a tiny bite of sausage.

roxy the cairn terrier pulled a greta garbo and remained aloof and out of camera range.

i wish you all a beautiful, colorful and abundant new year filled with love and beauty and grace and picnics.

if you would like to choose a word for 2012, susannah conway has a wonderful way to explore, click here.  i love hearing others' words, so please share. 

also, my absolute favorite new blogger, meg worden, has written an exquisite bit on nourishment.  please click here to read.  it's brilliant.  truly, i believe it has become my manifesto for a beautiful life.